April 8, 2004

hard labor

Was chatting with my colleagues in the company cafeteria this morning when the girls suddenly touched on a topic about childbirth. One of my colleagues, AnnElle, was rhetorically describing her experience of going into labor. She described the pain like it was something so out of this world, that it would tilt the planet off its axis… and she was also trying very hard to make me and another male colleague to understand the magnitude of the pain.

But then, her effort was kind of futile, for it is impossible for us guys to really understand what she had to go through. That’s because males and females are of different type of biological entity. It would be impossible for us to imagine having a kid coming out of our vagina, that’s because we don’t have a vagina. (it’s like asking you to imagine having the 8th tentacle like an octopus)

In order not to offend AnnElle, I tried my very best to pretend that I understand by nodding every now and then… and showed some faked expressions to her that I am a person who appreciates what the ladies have to go through. But I went a bit too far,

AnnElle : “You know… the moment that baby was out… I tell you… it was the most relieving moment I ever had in my life”

Me : “Yeah, I can imagine that. I actually went through that before…”

It was a reflex speech that totally bypassed my brain. It was obviously a blunder. I had no choice but to go along with what I can concoct at that split second to save myself from embarrassment.

AnnElle : “Errrmm, you said you went through that before?”

Me : “Yeah yeah.. errr, I likened it like a very bad case of stomach ache. I was imagining the baby as a big piece of crap lodged in between your intestines… The shit would be so big that it would tear your bunghole a few inches larger… making you scream in pain. You will then attempt to squeeze the beast out inch by inch… accompanied by some yellowish liquid discharge with occasional toxic fart gases. And when you’re about to pass out from the immense laborious pain and fatigue, it finally comes out. And what a relief it would be… right?”

AnnElle was totally dumbfucked… and later reacted by giving me hard punch on my shoulder. Yeah, like that would make us understand the perils of going into labor… hah

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

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