Archive for March, 2004

March 2, 2004

about cars and stuffed animals

I don’t understand why some people like to put up stuffs beside their car windscreen. Soft toys, discarded CDs, flowers, pillows, tissue boxes ..etc. I saw a female Kancil driver the other day, who had such a massive collection of soft toys by her car windscreen, that it must have blocked about 50% of her view… It was like, a zoo full of stuffed animals inside that fucking car.

I mean, come on, isn’t that deliberately jeopardizing her own safety? What good would the menagerie of soft toys do? Give her an orgasm? Or did she do that to make everyone think that she’s cute and therefore, that much fuckable than other females?

Well… the truth is, but NOBODY GIVES A CRAP if your car looked good or bad on the inside. All that we care is, you don’t drive like an inconsiderate dickwad and stay free from accidents. With that mob of animals blocking your view, you’re putting yourself and others in danger, and for that, you rightfully claim the title as ‘a cunt’. Windscreens… or any other glass screens inside your car — are meant for you to have visual contact with the outside world, so that you know where to steer your vehicle carefully to. They are not meant as a window for you to show off your stupid stuffed animals (or whatever) to the public.

I seriously think that our country should have a constituted law against stuffed toys (or anything) inside a moving vehicle. Whoever that violates this law, will have to shove all of the stuffed animals from that offending car up into the driver’s ass… and banned from driving for life.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off

the ultimate invention

The Penang Bridge became hell yesterday when a truck overturned and plowed into a score of smaller vehicles. It was reported that the authorities had to close down the bridge for which lead to a massive congestion that stalled thousands of commuters who travel across the strait daily. The congestion was soooo bad, that a lot of vehicles stalled from overheating engine… which in turn, aggravated the jam even further. Definitely one of the worst traffic jam ever.

Now, where was I during the entire catastrophic event? I was happily surfing the net inside my company, thanks to a mobile phone call from a friend who was trapped inside the massive jam. Then, I went to Carrefour to have a relaxing dinner with my wife Emily… and later did some shopping before going home at about 9pm. Thank God for the invention of mobile phone (sorry, I have no idea who invented the mobile phone)

Now imagine this, how is it like if there is no such thing as a mobile phone?
– I’d probably be cussing and smacking my steering like a lunatic inside my car on that day…
– I would not be able to receive those cute SMS text pictures during festive season
– I won’t be able to feign having an important phone call and excuse myself halfway through a boring meeting…
– And probably, no one would be able to divorce their wives through SMS anymore… which I think is a super sad thing to happen. (Kidding).
– many more.

Now, isn’t mobile phone a wonderful thing? It obsoleted a lot of conservative practices… and now it is saving us from driving straight to hell.

Who knows if the mobile phone could even wipe out the roaches & terrorism as well? We’ll never know. We just need to sit back and witness achievements after achievements being struck by this wonderful piece of invention. Kudos to God and whoever that invented it.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
March 1, 2004

weird neighbours – old hag

I’ve never had a normal neighbor before. I’ve had many neighbors, and they were all either psychotic or dipshits.

I know some of you smartasses might say that the problem probably lies with me instead of them. Ok, maybe it has all along been me – but then, how could I be so wretched when all I ever did was to keep quiet and mind my own business? So, obviously, this isn’t about me. It’s about them degenerates.

One of the most wretched neighbor that I ever had was that old Indian lady that lived next to my family circa 1990 – 1999. We didn’t know much about her except that she was an immigrant from India and doesn’t speak any of our local language here. That wasn’t really a problem for us because we didn’t give a flying fuck about her.

But there was something not right about this old Indian hag. She had this penchant of rearing chickens in her yard… which was only a thin fence’s away from our garden. It wouldn’t be an issue at all had her chickens been behaving normal. But then, her chickens seemed to have somekind of dysfunctional biological clocks… that made them cluck and crow boisterously day/night without stop.

Imagine about 20 over chickens doing the same thing. They were like having their own heavy metal concert at every fucking awakening moment. I was especially affected by her chickens because the thing was right in front of my room window! With the odor and noise stressing my patience everyday, it wasn’t long before I started to lose my shit and took some initiatives of my own to settle the problem. When the chickens got really noisy, I would spray them with water jets from my garden hose. It didn’t really help with the noise but, it kind of helped me to vent out properly and averted myself from imploding with rage.

Then, after about a couple of years going through the same thing, the situation got worst. The old hag started to feed her chickens with stale rice and rotten dishes that she collected from around the village. And when the chickens couldn’t them all in time, the food would decompose and would emanate some fetid stench around the area. It was fucking horrible. If you want to imagine how was it like, just think of living next to a big garbage dump full of rotten organic stuff.

My mom once got so pissed off, that she bought a container full of toxic floor cleaner and poured it into the chicken feed – in hope that it would kill the chickens. But the effort was futile. The chickens seemed to oblivious to any kind of threat, and would live on getting healthier each day (and noisier).

Then not long after that, she began to collect pieces of discarded zinc roofs in her yard. It didn’t take very long for that place to become a haven for rats, roaches and other vermin alike. It was the darkest period for our family right then.

Of course, my parents attempted to talk to the Indian hag about the problems, but each time my parents did that, the old misfit would shun us off… pretending not being able to understand our language. And we had to live with the inconveniences of being her neighbor for a few more years, before our family got into a big ass feud and everyone moved the fuck out of the wretched hellhole.

michaelooi  | characters  | Comments Off