I watched some chinese drama on TV with Emily when my notebook broke down. Never favoured watching chinese drama but then, that’s the only thing left for me to do at that time.

Then in one of the scenes, a girl (the heroine, obviously) suddenly turned into a dropdead beautiful looking chick during a ballroom function — a deviation from her usual catastrophic appearance. The secret ? A score of makeup, hairdo and an expensive dress. The moment I saw the scene, I gave out a smirk.

It’s sort of like the moment of truth for me. That scene in the drama is true in every sense — a few artificial ‘modifications’ and touchups could change a great deal on one’s appearance. I’ve seen such occurrences in real life.

A good example would be annual dinners. I’m not sure about other’s but in my company, most girls will usually throttle all out during annual dinners. They will do anything to look good that night. Nevermind the expenses. They will put up inches thick of make ups that would shame the japanese geishas.

They will wear expensive dresses that cost probably more than their basic salary. They would go to the extend of tailor-made their dresses just to be seen in something different. The standard rule of thumb.. was to expose as much cleavage as possible. Long term investment - they would say. And that freaking dress would be worn for only ONCE. Cannot be seen wearing it twice or else they will be cursed with terminal stage herpes on their tushy.

If they owned any jewelleries at all — this would also be the night for them to flaunt them all out. They will pick the biggest and most sparkling motherfucking of all jewelleries ..so sparkling that it’s glare could cause instantaneous cataract or maybe even retinal cancer (if there’s such thing). It’s a necessity for the female species — to blind everyone in the dinner so that they could hoover all the food without being seen.

And what is beauty without an exquisite hairstyle ? Right, they will spend a few hundred bucks for a customized hairstyle for the dinner .. and they always come in various weird shapes that was copied from top fashion magazines. Some would look so weird that they had an uncanny resemblance of zinc awnings that i’ve seen in some ghetto housing area. Maybe that particular girl grew up in those areas and had always wanted to look like an awning. And their hairdo’s are always laden with a few hundred gallons of hairsprays and unknown chemicals.

Then come to shoes. High heels is the class. 4 inches, 5 inches and for some ballet dancers, they would even wear 6 - 7 inches — almost making them a whole length of head taller than any puzzled blokes. Guys have to look up (suffering neck problems) in order to talk to them - as if they’re walking on stilts. That explains why the guys always prefer to look at their boobs rather than looking up at their face to talk with them. And yet, the guys are always mistaken as perverts that ogle at boobies …. when they are actually averting themselves from getting neck pain (satisfy their curiosity at the same time).

Alright, my point is — reiterated — the world is full of deception (if you’re not already aware). If you wanted to find yourself a girlfriend or a life partner, avoid ballroom functions or annual dinners at all cost. Those pretty ladies in the ballrooms are nothing more than a walking mammal full of expensive chemicals on a wig … and stilts.

Trust me. Hold back your adrenaline and testosterone. Prevention is better than cure (unless you’re gay).

Something happened to my family on Friday .. in a way that I was asked by my mom to handle my grandfather’s dinner that night. Not a problem for me as I am quite free on Friday evening. Hence, Emily & I bought some nice dinner for him that night.

You see, my grandpa is already 90 years old, and he has some problem with his hearing / memory. Speaking to him is as hard as finding a highly paid job in a remote village. So, it doesn’t take a genius to guess how our conversation would turn out :

Grandpa : *smile*

Me : “Hi grandpa. It’s me… Michael.”

Grandpa : “What ?”

Me : “It’s me … Michael. I’m in charge of your dinner tonight. I bought u something nice” *wink*

Grandpa : “Oh.. you brought me dinner. How nice.”

Me : “Yeah. Mom fell and hurt herself very badly on her chin. She couldn’t come so .. I brought your dinner”

Grandpa : “Your mom ? Who’s your mom ?”

Me : “My mom… your daughter … Karen…”

Grandpa : “Oh.. is she ok ? Where is she now ?”

Me : “She’s fine. Just some bruise and now at my sis’ place”

Grandpa : “She’s at home ?”

Me : “Noo.. she’s at my sister’s place”

Grandpa :”Where’s your sister’s place ?”

Me : “Island glades … remember the place ?”

Grandpa : “Oh, I remember. So, she’s fine ?”

Me : “Yeah… she’s fine. She wanted to stay there and will be back at my place tomorrow”

Grandpa : “And where’s your place ?”

Me : “I live in Minden Heights… you forgot meh ?”

Grandpa : *puzzled look*

Me : “Alright .. the place near that university.. remember ?”

Grandpa : “Ohhh … that new apartment. I remember now. So … then… you’re Karen’s son ?”

Me : “Yeah … that’s what I’ve told you .. grandpa…”

Grandpa : *smacks head* “Ahaks ! I’m old already .. can’t remember things properly. I think I have a brain damage” *cackles*

Me : “No, grandpa. You’re doing fine. At least you remembered now .. right ?”

Grandpa : “Hahhah. You looked so handsome now … that’s why I can’t recognize you” [note: I did not make this up]

Me : “Naaaww.. grandpa. It has always been like this .. it’s just that you didn’t quite notice my good looks earlier.. ehehehehh”

Grandpa : “So, where’s your mom ?”

Me : *feet in the air*

The process repeats for dunno how many times. And I had to answer him the same thing over and over again.

But then, ironically, my grandfather isn’t as forgetful as he always claimed. I think he’s just feigning it. You know why ? It’s because after our dinner, he began to tell stories about his younger days … about how he endured his hardship when he was at my age. Bla bla bla. And those experiences happened almost 60 over years ago … If you ask me, I would say that old dude have better memory than I do.

Anyway, Friday night’s experience was a pleasant one. And I’m glad that my grandfather had a great time with us (me / Emily).

obviously … i have a lot of things to blog about. it’s just … i haven’t got enough time to logon and compose my entries. been real fucking busy lately. and as if it’s not bad enough, my notebook pc is getting uppity again. it can only run on battery not ac. that means, if i do not blog fast enough, i’ll have to wait until monday before the goddamn puter get it’s power again.

fuck technologies.

so far, i already have 2 entries drafted in my mind and gonna try to put it up by today - that is — if i manage to get all my compositions up within 30 mins timeframe.

ok, there goes another phone call… time to go out again.

My company organized a lucky draw for some charity event and a mail has been sent out to inform everyone about it. In the mail, it stated the following :

1st prize : Perodua Kelisa
2nd prize : Honda Motorcycle
3rd prize : Lap Top computer

My eyes were fixed at the 3rd prize. Lap top. Since when do people still refer portable computers as “lap tops” ? It used to be known as lap tops … because some idiot felt comfortable putting their notebooks on their lap and called it “lap top”.

I wondered what if the idiot happened to put that notebook on top of his wife’s cunt … and he happened to feel comfortable at that time ? Would a portable computer will thus be known as “cunt top” ? “pussy top” maybe ? or perhaps “beaver top” ? Man, it was such a shallow name.

If names are suppose to be created like that, then it would be a disastrous world. Rob would be born to the name of “decomposed corpse”, or maybe “leprechaun pervert”. Or named after the place he was conceived — “backseat of a garbage truck”. Cars would be known as “road tops”. And Barney would be known as the “purple lardass lizard who was born with merged teeth”. Ahaks.

Nowadays, notebooks are made so powerful that some of them were even installed with a desktop P4 processor and a 64MB VGA card. Putting it on your lap would meant instigating skin diseases on your legs. Think of bak kua (barbequed dried meat). Kidding. But really, they are so hot that it’s not really practical to put it on your lap anymore. *The only thing that’s practical on our laps would be those strippers from men’s club. Heheh..

So, why still call it laptop ? Wouldn’t it be better to simply call it a portable computer ? or notebook ? why a low tech name for a high tech device ? Weird world.

I hardly stick on a programme each time I’m in front of a TV. Unless there’s an interesting programme going on … like Fear Factor, short comedies, or maybe great documentaries on Discovery channel. Other than that, I’ll probably switch from channel to channel figuring out what to watch.

I was doing that one day, until I suddenly caught ’something’ on StarWorld channel. It was Baywatch Hawaii. You see … I never really fancied watching Baywatch - what’s so interesting about a bunch of good willed people rescuing idiots in the sea ? Never my cup of tea.

But I stopped because I caught a sight. Sight of some really good looking babes with fake boobs having their hard nipples embossed on their non-padded super thin swimming suit. And she’s suppose to be a lifeguard.

Think about it. All the female-lifeguards in Baywatch are good looking and gorgeous. I mean, isn’t that kinda ridiculous ? It’s not practical. Why ? Because if all female-lifeguards are indeed that great looking, there probably would be more people deliberately drown themselves to be saved by lifeguards rather than swimming in the boring sea with sharks.

The score’s better than picking up a chick in a bar — figure this out - all u need to do is act panic in the sea, and there would be 2 - 3 great looking female-lifeguards with fake boobs heading your way to save you. What a score ! Soon, the beaches will be packed with perverts and pubs will have to be closed down. The beaches will then probably be severely polluted with semen of perverts wanking off and the economy will be fucked (god knows how much people spend inside a bar to pick up a chick).

And if it’s not already obvious to you, all the female-lifeguards in Baywatch also have big boobs (fake boobs are always big). I mean, cmon, aren’t lifeguards suppose to be fast in saving lives ? Big boobs would actually hinder their speed and wastes those precious seconds in saving a life. Sure enough, those boobs might play a role to float them up but hey… they’re LIFEGUARDS ! They’re suppose to know how to swim .. not float.

Their big boobs will cause a high coefficient drag and are aerodynamically a disadvantage for such situation. When one’s not aerodynamically good enough, it will require more power to overcome the resistance. Judging from the average size of their fake boobs, I reckon that the female-lifeguards would have been blacked out from exhaustion like a sotong before she can even reach halfway to rescue the victim. In this case, it would be a lose-lose situation. The victim and the female-lifeguard would both drown in the sea. And it wouldn’t take long for people to realize that mankind will lose a large chunk of it’s population due to lifeguard screwing themselves up.

A fast lifeguard should be one who can swim fast and aerodynamic i.e. thin and flat chested. Not a chick with fake boobs. Chicks with fake boobs aren’t suitable to be lifeguards. Instead, they should hire more ugly people to be lifeguards. Someone that probably looked like Joe Pesci crossed with a wild hog. Yeah. Knowing that the lifeguard could petrify even the meanest shark in the ocean, no one would dare to get themselves in trouble (in the sea)… or at least keep it unnoticeable to the lifeguard (coz they would rather die than being resuscitate by that disastrous looking lifeguard).

Conclusion ? Baywatch is a scam. People tune into Baywatch to watch boobies and cameltoes. It’s not really about saving lives and that sort of shits. It’s a legalized porn show on TV trying to promote those new pornstar wannabes. It’s a big conspiracy by the Americans to conquer the lusts of the world.

Sick of it, I switched to another channel to watch some really wild animal killing it’s prey. At least I know they’re for real.