March 31, 2004

survival tips

Kids nowadays are so spoiled, that it is practically impossible for them to be as independent as the children who lived in the 80’s and 90’s. It all makes sense, as they have maids to iron their uniforms and wash their stinking school shoes, etc etc. What else do they get to do? Surf porn ler… what else.

Alright, I’m not being critical about them or put the blame on them. All these are improvements of living standards, and we should embrace it as a fact. Sooner in the future, kids probably won’t even know how to flush the toilet after using it, for everything would be sensor controlled. The moment their ass are lifted from the toilet bowl… their shit would be automatically flushed to the ocean. Something like that.

But then, the day isn’t always bright. Sometimes, things might go wrong… like the family maid has to take a long medical leave or maybe fled with the neighborhood garbage man. In such situation, what would happen to the kids? Who would iron their clothes? Who would do their laundry? Who is gonna wake them up to school? All that. Mommy’s too afraid to spoil her fingernails doing house chores, and daddy’s a lazy fart. So… how?

That would only mean one thing – those spoiled kids/brats have to take care of themselves until their parents got them a new maid.

Well, not to worry. I have hereby compiled a list of survival tips in the convenient FAQ format, just in case the family maid absconded for some unknown reasons:

1) Kids ask : “How to iron my school uniform ?”
Procedure : Fold uniforms and stack 5 of them together. Iron them in one go.
Explanation : Concept of one stone kills 5 birds. It should take less than a minute to iron a week’s supply of school uniform. Not to mention the savings on electricity. With the excess time, you’ll have more time to do your homework (or surf porn).

2) Kids ask : “My mom said i need to clean my school shoes. What should I do?”
Procedure : Only wash them once a month. If dirty, apply a layer liquid shoe white on top of dirty surface – and it will look clean again. Repeat as necessary.
Explanation : Save detergent and time to wash the shoes. Less washing means shoes last longer. Saving on detergent means less fishes’ ass getting creamed in the ocean. It is both environmentally friendly and animal loving (fishes are animals… right?)

3) Kids ask : “My mom said i need to wake up early by myself! How how ???”
Sleep with your school uniform on. This way, even if you oversleeps, you can save up the time to get dressed.
Explanation : By doing that, one only need to wake up and straight head to school. Save a lot of time and the extra time can be used to gain more sleep. And we all know a student with enough sleep gets to concentrate better in studies.

4) Kids ask : “Arrgghh! mom asked me to tidy up my bed every morning !!!”
Just rolllllll up the blanket (along with your bolsters, pillows, blowup dolls, etc). No need to fold or spread them out. To use them again, just un-rollllll… and you’ll get your bed done again.
Explanation : Easier, faster and no fold lines. Nuff said.

You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

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