weird neighbours - spinster & her dog

Circa 1990 - 1999. My worst years of dwelling around weird neighbours.

Right across my house’ front yard, lived a spinster in her mid 30’s codenamed FatMary… and her lunatic dog, Barney.

Why is she weird ? Well, she fucking talked to her psychotic dog. I mean, not like “Sit !” or “Eat !”. She would talk to her dog as if the beast’s actually her husband.

And when Barney failed to answer her back, she would yell at him - “Barney ! why you no answer me ??” (yep, she loved shouting in broken English to that garbage hound). Imagine I had to wake up to her yellings everytime during my afternoon nap - there’s simply no peace at all with her around.

Barney = was a mongoloid + retarded dog. A mongrel that was born without a brain and bark loudspeaker connected directly to a motion sensor. It’ll bark at anything - cats, lizards, chickens, ants, FatMary .. you name it. It would bark day and night without rest.

It was particularly frustrating for me especially when I came home late & supposed to be in a stealth mode (u know, I’m still too young for discos and stuffs) … only to wake the entire neighbourhood when my neighbour’s fucking dog barked like there’s no tomorrow.

It was my teen-hood trauma - for not being able to grow up like any other normal teenagers. Each time I had my fun at clubs/discos, my mom would always be able to find out and gave me mind numbing lectures. Thanks to that goddamn psychotic dog.

There’s once, my father got so frustrated with Barney’s frenzy way of barking .. that he actually hurled his then Motorola MicroTac (reputated to be a good weapon against anything) to the dog. It hit Barney square on it’s head and it survived (which was kinda amazing).

Well, the dog was still around when I moved out from the neighbourhood in 1999. I remembered I gave the dog a few pelts of slingshots before leaving the place — as a token of appreciation for the hundreds of sleepless nights he had given to me throughout the years.