March 1, 2004

weird neighbours – old hag

I’ve never had a normal neighbor before. I’ve had many neighbors, and they were all either psychotic or dipshits.

I know some of you smartasses might say that the problem probably lies with me instead of them. Ok, maybe it has all along been me – but then, how could I be so wretched when all I ever did was to keep quiet and mind my own business? So, obviously, this isn’t about me. It’s about them degenerates.

One of the most wretched neighbor that I ever had was that old Indian lady that lived next to my family circa 1990 – 1999. We didn’t know much about her except that she was an immigrant from India and doesn’t speak any of our local language here. That wasn’t really a problem for us because we didn’t give a flying fuck about her.

But there was something not right about this old Indian hag. She had this penchant of rearing chickens in her yard… which was only a thin fence’s away from our garden. It wouldn’t be an issue at all had her chickens been behaving normal. But then, her chickens seemed to have somekind of dysfunctional biological clocks… that made them cluck and crow boisterously day/night without stop.

Imagine about 20 over chickens doing the same thing. They were like having their own heavy metal concert at every fucking awakening moment. I was especially affected by her chickens because the thing was right in front of my room window! With the odor and noise stressing my patience everyday, it wasn’t long before I started to lose my shit and took some initiatives of my own to settle the problem. When the chickens got really noisy, I would spray them with water jets from my garden hose. It didn’t really help with the noise but, it kind of helped me to vent out properly and averted myself from imploding with rage.

Then, after about a couple of years going through the same thing, the situation got worst. The old hag started to feed her chickens with stale rice and rotten dishes that she collected from around the village. And when the chickens couldn’t them all in time, the food would decompose and would emanate some fetid stench around the area. It was fucking horrible. If you want to imagine how was it like, just think of living next to a big garbage dump full of rotten organic stuff.

My mom once got so pissed off, that she bought a container full of toxic floor cleaner and poured it into the chicken feed – in hope that it would kill the chickens. But the effort was futile. The chickens seemed to oblivious to any kind of threat, and would live on getting healthier each day (and noisier).

Then not long after that, she began to collect pieces of discarded zinc roofs in her yard. It didn’t take very long for that place to become a haven for rats, roaches and other vermin alike. It was the darkest period for our family right then.

Of course, my parents attempted to talk to the Indian hag about the problems, but each time my parents did that, the old misfit would shun us off… pretending not being able to understand our language. And we had to live with the inconveniences of being her neighbor for a few more years, before our family got into a big ass feud and everyone moved the fuck out of the wretched hellhole.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

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