Kids nowadays are so spoilt, that it’s practically impossible for them to be as independent as the children who lived in the 80’s and 90’s. It all makes sense, as they have maids to iron their uniforms and wash their stinking school shoes, etc etc. What else do they get to do ? Surf porn ler … what else.

Alright, I’m not being negative about them or put the blame on them. All these are improvements on the standard of living - we should embrace it as a fact. Sooner in the future, kids probably don’t even know how to flush the toilet after using it - for everything would be sensor controlled. The moment their ass were lifted from the toilet bowl .. their shit would be automatically flushed to the ocean. Something like that.

But then, the day isn’t always bright. Sometimes, things might go wrong .. like the family maid had to take a long medical leave or maybe fled with the neighbourhood garbage man. In such emergency situation, what would happen to the kids ? Who would iron their clothes ? Who would do their laundry ? Who’s gonna wake them up to school ? All that. Mommy’s too afraid to spoil her fingernails doing house chores, and daddy’s a lazy fart. So .. how ?

That would only mean one thing - those spoilt kids/brats got to take care of themselves until their parents got them a new maid.

Well, not to worry. Here’s some survival tips in case you’ll have to sit in the maid’s position :

1) Kids ask : “How to iron my school uniform ?”
Procedure : Fold uniforms and stack 5 of them together. Iron them in one go.
Explanation : Concept of one stone kills 5 birds. It should take less than a minute to iron a week’s supply of school uniform. Not to mention the savings on electricity. With the excess time, you’ll have more time to do your homework (or surf porn).

2) Kids ask : “My mom said i need to clean my school shoes. What should I do ?”
Procedure : Only wash them once a month. If dirty, apply a layer liquid shoe white on top of dirty surface - and it will look clean again. Repeat as necessary.
Explanation : Save detergent and time to wash shoe. Less washing means shoes last longer. Saving on detergent means less fishes’ ass getting creamed in the ocean. It’s both environmentally friendly and animal loving (fishes are animals… right ?)

3) Kids ask : “My mom said i need to wake up early by myself ! How how ???”
Sleep with your school uniform on. This way, even if you woke up late, you can save up the time to get dressed.
Explanation : By doing that, one only need to wake up and straight head the way to school. Save a lot of time & use them to gain more sleep. And we all know a student with enough sleep gets to concentrate better in studies.

4) Kids ask : “Arrgghh ! mom ask me to tidy up my bed every morning !!!”
Just rolllllll up the blanket (along with your bolsters, pillows, blowup dolls, etc). No need to fold or spread them out. To use them again, just un-rollllll … and you’ll get your bed done again.
Explanation : Easier, faster and no fold lines. Nuff said.

You’re welcome.

*18SX warning - reader’s discretion advised. The entry below contain some obscene elements that might offend some sensitive individuals. If u think u are a person who can get easily offended about sexually explicit discussion or topics alike, or you’re a minor a.k.a kids, kindly leave by pressing ALT+F4. If you don’t know how to do that, you can alternately shove your head into the nearest toilet bowl and flush repeatedly until you stop breathing. Also, if you suck, you can read more disclaimer right at the bottom of my page. Also, this is quite a long entry, don’t bitch

Today, during lunch with my usual lunch members, we talked a lot about girls/sex (guy talk), and some other ridiculous obscene topics. In one of the topics, we talked about - “who’s the fairest of them all ?” in our company. Doug quoted to Eric about a girl in our company who goes by the name - Brenda.

Despite having the midget height of only approx 5ft, Brenda is fairly an attractive girl. With her classy high profile cheek and lustrous wavy hair, she’s every guy’s cup of tea - especially when she smiles. Very pleasant to look at and is quite famous in my work place.

But all that aren’t really important for us bunch of dirty blokes. We’re not concerned about all the cosmetic qualities she possesses. This girl is even more famous amongst the guys for another reason - her boobs. *alright kids, it’s getting real dirty here, still not too late to leave yet. Press ALT+F4 to leave

Now what about her boobies ? Her pair of boobies are legendary. She got a nice 34/35 D pair of milk bags - which sort of makes her the point of origin for all benchmark against perfection. As if the size isn’t that impressive enough, she often have her nipples protruded from her pair of thinly padded bras …and she often had to wear multiple layers of clothes to hide that up from the public. Whenever she’s out for lunch, she’ll leave her extra layers of clothes behind her desk (hot maa…) and send all blokes to heaven in broad daylight.

During our discussion, we developed a theory, why her nipples are always embossed on her bra. U see, large boobs are naturally heavier than normal boobs. In that case, normal bra would just give way and snap due to the extra gravitational effect on the large mass of tissues. Just like a thin wire snapped on supporting a heavy piece of stone slab. So, girls with large boobies would have no choice but to resort to special bras. Special rubber singlet type of sports bra with extra support.

And we all know these special bras usually have thin pads. Why thin pads ? Because of the large boob size, it would be ridiculous to have thick pads as that would make it look even bigger than it’s already large size (the adjective would have to be changed from “gigantic” to “monstrous”) Hence, those special bras need to be thinly padded to retain the boobie’s original contour. Thin pads means, less shielding on the nips –point number 1.

Point number 2. As we all know, the size of any boobs are usually directly proportional to the size of the nipple. Why ? Because it needed to be this way so that it’s able to accomodate the volume of milk discharge from the gigantic glands. It all makes sense .. a large dam wouldn’t be designed with a small pipe for output water supply to the public. The pressure would be too high and the pipe will burst. Same thing here - just imagine the dam as a big tit and the pipe as the nipple.

From the size of her boobies, she must have the nipple tip the size of a 50 cents coin … hard enough to open a can of sardine …or even pry open a durian. Oh .. wait a minute, maybe not durian .. coz it would actually damage the flesh inside the durian .. which would be bad. Nevermind.

Now, add those 2 points together, and we got the explanation on why she got a nipple embossed on her clothes everytime. The theory sounded very technical and great - and all of us had tearful fits laughing inside the restaurant like a bunch of intoxicated hyenas.

And we continued to venture on other topics like why guys preferred girls with long legs or taller built. But I’ll save that for another day.

*Kid’s if you’re still reading this, you’re in trouble because you’ve just learned something you’re not supposed to know until you grow up. I would suggest you to type “I will not learn something i’m not suppose to know again” repeatedly for 200 times on a notepad, print it out, burn it and mix it’s ashes with 10 bowls of holy water. Then drink it to cleanse the filth from your mind.

This morning, while I was driving to work, I noticed a mother carrying her son’s heavy school bag — while her idiot son was capering happily in front of her. Man, if I am the kid’s father, I would have gave him a piledrive into the drain. How could he do that to his mom that cooks, washes and cares for him ? This is too much.

When I was young, I carried my own schoolbag. No doubt they weighted like a full grown male orang utan - but what the hell, those are my book. If anyone should be carrying the books for my own good - it would be myself. Kids are pampered and spoilt too much nowadays. They only know how to surf porn on the internet, nothing else.

But then, I also have always been wondering … why are those kids required to carry so many books to school ? I mean, why can’t someone install lockers at schools .. so that they can keep their stuffs there ? Instead of carrying books to school, students can choose which book to take back home for their revisions. It’s much more practical and convenient that way.

Things that people should have done but never did.

My alarm clock has been around for 19 years. I’m not kidding. My mom bought it when I was 8 years old and it has been waking me up since then. During the years, it has endured many kinds of hardships, like being dropped on the floor, being dropped on the floor … and being dropped on the floor. The repeated concussion had caused it to be a little bit ‘off’ - the alarm will trigger 15 minutes earlier than the set time.

Recently, the little guy decided to give up on me. It started to show some symptoms of quitting on it’s life. Sometimes, it will just keep quiet and let our sleep succumb ourselves. It was an evil act needless to say. And usually, I won’t wake until the goddamn cuckoo bird (not sure if it’s a cuckoo bird though) outside my apartment started to wail like mad — and that’s usually at 7am. The bird seems to have some kind of biological clock that was directly connected to it’s vocal chord/beak … and never had it once failed to wake me up whenever my alarm clock plays silent.

But today, it finally happened. This time, it’s the bird’s biological clock that gave up on him. Instead of wailing out at 7am, the bastard-bird wailed exactly 3 hours earlier - 4am in the wee hours of the morning. The bird’s wail only signifies one thing to me — I’m late for work and I better get the fuck up already. Upon hearing the bird’s wail, I immediately jumped up from my sleep and scurried into the bathroom to get a quick bath.

And right before I was about to enter the bathroom, I shouted at Emily who’s still sleeping (usually, I’m the one who wakes her everytime we’re late for work) -

“Emily !! Wake up ! the damn bird wailed !! we’re late for work !!”.
“zzz … huh ? zzz ”
“Wake up ! Do you know what time it is ?”
“…what are you talking about ?”
“About the time …goddamn it ! We’re late ! Wake up !!”
[grab watch] “hmmm … but it’s only 4 am in the morning… ”
“What ??”
“yeah … 4 am in the morning.”
“Are u sure it’s 4 am in the morning ?”
[check alarm clock] “yes … I’m absolutely sure”
“ARRRGGHHH … DAMN THAT FUCKING BIRD !!!”

Words cannot describe my frustration at that particular moment. Luckily, I didn’t take my shower yet before discovering the bummer - else, it would have been catastrophic. I went back to sleep ignoring the stupid bird … who’s still wailing as if there’s no tomorrow …

I think it’s time for me to get a new alarm clock ..now that I know the stupid bird is not as reliable as I’ve initially thought. Birds sux.

Who say you’ll need an expert to review a car ? Bullchit. I can do it too (despite the fact i know nuts about cars).

I was looking at a Honda City, can’t help to think — what an ugly car it is. Short front .. and long back. According to some expert, it’s suppose to be a ‘bubble design’ concept, where it played an important role to cause my neighbour’s dog sustaining an erection without a bitch. Kidding. It’s suppose to make the car more aerodynamic. To some less techie dudes, aerodynamic is a type of very fast bird.

Well, it was a direct cross from Honda Jazz (the short front) plus our asian’s uncanny preference of big trunks — thus, they came up with the design of Honda City. Talking bout big trunk, I do not understand why we asians wanted cars with big trunks. Personally speaking, i didn’t mind cars for having a small trunk. Why would we need a trunk so big ? Stuff our mother in laws inside ? Not me. I only use it store my 24-7 ready 10 lbs bowling ball and a pair of soccer boots inside.

The new Honda City definitely was designed to suit the taste of us asians. It has a short front (good for those idiots who have problems parking their car) and a gigantic trunk. 500 liters, enough to store 6 mother in laws inside (depends on your mother in law’s size). The final look is — something that resembled the flower horn fish. It’s fucking ugly. I bet if a kid were to asked to draw a Honda City and submit his work to his art teacher — he would get a real thorough spanking for drawing a lopsided car… and get an -F for it. No shit.

I went to the Honda showroom yesterday and frankly speaking, although I didn’t liked the look of that darn car, I was very impressed with the quality of it’s interior. Everything felt solid and in it’s place. Some say it’s luxurious - but I’m pretty sure those are just a bunch of ah beng’s that are unfamiliar with cream coloured dash or probably haven’t seen a luxury car before. It’s neat and pretty inside - yes. Luxurious ? - still a lot to add.

Alright, I tried to ask for a test drive but unfortunately, the demo car wasn’t in - so, I kinda missed the driving part. Hence, I did the next best thing - I positioned myself on the driver’s seat & fiddled around with it’s control like a virgin kid’s first love-making experiencing a girl’s body. The very first thing i noticed was - it’s limited leg room under the steering. It’s too fucking small for fully grown guy like me. I mean, it doesn’t even have enough space to house a simple foot rest … and if my size 10 shoe were to be any bigger, it would be impossible for me to stretch both legs when driving.

It would have been better if the trunk were to be made smaller to give more space to cabin. I preferred a larger cabin anytime than having a large trunk. The car is more suitable for a young girl or housewife, not a savage bloke like me.

But nevermind, not that I’m interested in Honda City anyway. I was just curious of it’s fame… and went to check if it really lived up to it’s reputation. Apparently, not. The car’s ugly - period. Besides, nobody really knows if the CVT gearbox could cost an arm & a leg in case it needed any replacement.

I walked out of the showroom without looking back. Time to move to other options.

*If one’s asking why the sudden craze about cars - yes, I am planning to change my car. Budget ? 85K max. I’m now scouring for bits of info to aid my buying.