Archive for February, 2004

February 4, 2004

oh no

I was walking along the aisle at a departmental store today, when I spotted some razor blade cartridges that kind of reminded me that I needed a refill. So, I went up to the promoter to ask for one of those (it was in the glass display counter and I couldn’t get it myself).

She heard me, went on to pick the item I wanted, punched a few keys on the cash register, then turned to me and said, “That would be 9.90 please…”

That was only when I got a clear look at her face (as it was being illuminated by the fluorescent lighting) and almost got myself a stroke. I swear I could have screamed ‘FUCK’ loudly but fortunately, that didn’t happen.

Now, what about her? She had a fucking mustache. Well, not like the Saddam type but shady type with the green/blue hue that suggests that she has either been shaving or she has been dyeing her upper lips with some sort of green coloring substance. But I was pretty sure that she has been shaving her upper lips to look like that

Well, isn’t that scary? And ironic? Picture this – a lady with mustache selling shaving apparatus for men. Goddamn. To put things in perspective for the ladies, just imagine a huge aggressive dude with boobs selling bras. Or an ugly old man selling cosmetics…

That wasn’t the first time I see a lady with mustache. The first was Charles’ neighbor’s Indonesian maid. That was many years ago and I can still vividly recall the details. I remember how I got so freaked out when I bumped into the maid coming out of doorway take out the trash. I was only 14 and was only beginning to discover the beauty of the opposite sex. Now, that encounter could have easily scarred me for life, but luckily, that didn’t happen.

So, how did that happen? Why would some girls have mustache? Are they some kind of mutated species from the excessive pollution? If it is, then what next? A black dick with thick vein? Scary shit.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off

cyborg name

hahahahhh… fuck…

M.I.C.H.A.E.L.O.O.I.: Mechanical Intelligent Construct Hardwired for Assassination/Electronic Lifeform Optimized for Observation and Infiltration

H.E.A.V.E.N.L.Y.: Hydraulic Electronic Android Viable for Efficient Nullification and Logical Yelling

get yours at

michaelooi  | nonsense  | Comments Off

a flirt

When I went for my routine physio last night, the pretty nurse attempted to start a conversation with me again.

“Hey.. was the sky dark when you came?” the nurse asked.
“Errr… it’s night time now. So I guess it has to be dark.” –> it was 9.20pm
“No, I mean if it’s cloudy. You know, dark and heavy clouds?”
“I couldn’t tell. It is night time, and it’s dark outside, remember?”
“Hmm. The air con is too cold in here. I wonder if it’s going to rain soon…”
“You ride a bike to work?”
“Yeah. Apparently I am not wealthy enough to own a car…”
“You can always ask the physiotherapist to fetch you home…”
“He’s off to a different direction. He doesn’t pass by my place.”
“Oh, in that case, I guess that you’ll have to use an umbrella on your bike if it rains”
“I’m not that skillfull to balance that on a bike… blaa blaa… wind… accident…”

I lost my concentration after that… because I was having an upset stomach right then. Since I was having a physio session, I was trying very hard to hold my sphincter from ripping a nasty fart – for it’ll be catastrophic for the nurse and the unfortunate patrons there.

Now that I am thinking about the conversation, I was pretty sure that the nurse was hinting that I should fetch her home last night. Man, she’s so gonna get laid if I was single… But too bad, I’m already attached to my lovely wife, and I definitely do not need that right now. (but hell, why didn’t she show up when I was young, single and desperate?) Damn.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | Comments Off
February 3, 2004

barn door

I felt something wrong during my lunch with BigSnake today. Felt as if my pants was getting loose or something like that. Initially, I thought that I might have actually lost some weight and went on with my lunch.

Since it was quite a hot afternoon, I kind of sweated on my way back to the office after the lunch. As I was entering the air conditioned lobby, I suddenly feel some chill at my nether region, more than the rest of my body. I wasn’t sure why was that, but it was definitely worrying. I mean, this could be a symptom of a badass chronic disease or something. Lost some weight, feeling weird… and now the chill in my crotch – this isn’t good.

Then I decided to look at my dick, if there were signs that might tell me if I’m about to die… That was when I discover the root cause – my barn door is open.

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off
February 2, 2004

“Gothika” (2003)

Alright, I have been watching too much movies lately. So much that I seriously think, that my body is slowly evolving itself to suit the cinema environment. You know, sooner or later, my eyes will be able to see efficiently in the dark… one of my hands will evolve to become the shape of a cup holder… and probably my mouth will become a small orifice just enough to fit the size of a popcorn.

Watched “Gothika” last night. What can I say? It has been a long time since I have watched a movie that good. Initially, I thought this might be one of those stupid movies with confusing plot… but I was so wrong. It turned out to be a surprise, to discover that it was actually quite good.

The movie’s got a blend of “Silence Of The Lambs” kind of suspense feel… and with enough scare elements to shame many horror themed movies. Story plot was creative the least and the design of the ghost was just awesome. One can tell that the director actually paid a meticulous attention to even the smallest detail in the movie and it brought some senses into even some of its most ridiculous ideas.

Personally, I don’t like Halle Berry… but after this movie, I think I’m beginning to like her… body. Yeah, that chick’s got a kickass body. But nevermind that. The movie’s good. Highly recommended.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off