Archive for February, 2004

February 20, 2004


I just checked out that William Hung video. Well… I… have no comments about his ‘performance’. He does look like a nice guy though, a typical guy next door look. It amazes me the level of fame that he has achieved that none would have imagined he could.

But then, I feel kind of sad for him. Sure enough, he has balls, guts and bladders to pull that in front of the American national TV (and world) – but it is rather over-the-top to say that he’s good. Admiring his courage is one thing, stoking that poor fellow to believe something that isn’t true, is another.

I hate to see people start fawning all over him by flippantly telling him that he’s a great singer, dancer, etc. We all knew it… that he can’t fucking sing. He is NOT TALENTED at all. It’s like telling a retard how smart he is, while you shake your head behind him. I mean, come on, guys… do you actually find thrill in doing that?

I even learn that chicks are now starting to flock over to him, and saying shits like how sexy and awesome he is. But why only they do it after his audition? Why wouldn’t these girls go crazy over him BEFORE the audition? It’s because these people wanted to ride on his fame. Attention seeking whores.

It’s cruel to do that to him. [gosh what is wrong with you people *sigh*]

michaelooi  | characters  | Comments Off


A discussion with a bunch of colleagues made me realize one thing about myself – I never actually owned a pet in my life before. Not a dog, a cat… nor even a hamster. There are occasionally lizards visiting me at night, but I am not responsible for their upbringing at all. I never owned any cute little tortoises or even a guppy before. The closest thing to a pet I ever had, was a bunch of nasty monsters in that addictive Dungeon Keeper game – but they were just codes and they do not exist in reality. So, no pets at all.

Never had I thought of taking up the responsibility to own a life before. Not that I hate animals or anything, in fact, I actually like dogs. But I never get to own, or thought of owning one before… because I have been staying in apartments most of my life. It would have been inconvenient to own a pet of any sorts. Inconveniences like space constraint, hygiene, noise control, fall from the apartment when they hang their clothes, getting stuck inside elevators when they return home late at night, troubles with security guards (u know, they have difficulty to talk), not enough parking space, etc.

But then, even if I have the capacity, I probably would digress at the idea. I don’t really know why. Maybe it is because I am afraid that I might not do a good job taking care of them – for I am already having a lot of trouble looking after myself. Or maybe I am too afraid of losing my pet when it dies. To name a few.

With all the difficulties and hurdles, I guess I will not be thinking of keeping a pet for a very long time. At least not until I move to a landed property, which would cost at least half a million in Penang. And if I have that much amount of money – I would be too busy enjoying myself to be worried about pets. *shrugs* One way or another, it’s rather unlikely.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off

blackie the sohai

BigSnake just came back from a 1 week assignment in Vietnam-Thailand. He was talking about his experience during our lunch today :

BigSnake : “The Thai’s are pirates! They always sell their wares at cut-throat prices! I bought a fucking fridge magnet for 17 bucks… and later to find out that it actually costs 3 bucks at another place!”

Blackie : “Why buy fridge magnets?”

BigSnake : “It was a request from someone…”

Blackie : “Your friend?”

BigSnake : “Yeah… Angela from Sales… if you know her…”

Blackie : “Male or female?”

BigSnake paused for about 3 – 4 seconds,

BigSnake : “What the fuck is wrong with you?? Have you heard of any guy named Angela in your life before??”

And we all laughed at Blackie’s ass in a disrespectful manner…

That was obviously a boner. I wonder what is he going to ask next… “Is your mom a guy?” What the fuck indeed.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | Comments Off
February 18, 2004

the envelope III

I was surfing for some news in the middle of the night when suddenly, I noticed a blinking ICQ icon. It was a blinking envelope icon… from an unidentified user. Suspecting that it might be a porn spam or something, I checked out the user’s identity before opening the message. The nick read – SkankBitch. It sounded so familiar to me… could be some cybersex friend that I’ve deleted a couple of years ago… I thought.

But then, as I was scratching my balls to strain my memory, I suddenly came to realize that — it was her nick. The very same nick that I used to chat everyday when everything was alright in my life. What used to be excitement then has now turned into curiosity. Curious about why would she appear again in my life after all those things that had happened between us. I opened the blinking envelope – it was a Valentine’s Day online greeting. Then, another message popped up :

“himike, r u there?”

I didn’t know if I wanted to answer that ICQ message. There were many thoughts came crashing after. But I answered it anyway.

“who’s this?” – I feigned memory loss.
“stop pretending mike. u know its me”
“what do u want”
“we separated,.me n puff”
“what happened”
“hes gay”

I was taken aback. I refused to reply her message further for I cannot bear to recall the fact that she actually left me for my best friend – and now to find out that my best friend’s actually gay. It chilled me down to my spine to realize that he was also my ex-roommate.

“u there?” another message flashed across my screen.
“how did u find out hes gay?”
“look,i just need someone to lean on”
“u know, u can just lean on a wall or something”
“walls dont talk. can i come over to your place?”

I don’t know if I should let her. I mean, I’m horny and stuff, but I don’t pork just anything. I have my dignity to protect … and my values to preserve. Besides, I gave up on her long time ago and I do not want to get hurt again. And the other sad thing was, I ran out of condoms.

So I made a decision right there and then. I decided to reject her suggestion. As I was about to type a big NO to the reply message, then out of the sudden, my pet mutt leapt up onto my desk and started to type frantically “come here right now bebeh I’m waiting for u”. Fuck, he did not even put in the correct punctuations!

I tried to send another message to cancel that but my fucker dog switched off my PC. I proceeded to give that dog a few punches and shouted “Traitor!”. He whined and ran into the toilet and locked himself in there. Dogs nowadays have no respect for their masters at all.

But that night, she did not show up at my place. I didn’t manage to find out why until it was morning – then I realized that I’m currently living at a different place from where I lived 2 years ago. Not to mention that I have changed my phone number as well… and I don’t have a dog … what more a dog who could type shitty English. It was my desperation that took over the keyboard and screwed up the whole thing.

I then decided to leave the matter as it is… for I couldn’t differentiate between reality and myth anymore.

*Story’s fictional. Too much free time at hands.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
February 17, 2004

jude the horrible – new haircut

Today seemed like any normal day. Woke up bright and fresh, just like every other day.

But when I arrived at my office cube… the feelings changed. Somehow changed into a very gloomy feel when my eyes caught on something grotesque – Jude in her new hairstyle. The execrable sight then converted itself into a set of erratic impulses… which made my body twitch as if I’m suffering some kind of epilepsy fit. I had goosebumps popping up on every millimeters of my skin.

She was standing there right across giving me this “Hi, Michael” smile. I reckoned that she was expecting me to checkout her new hairstyle or something. I was giving her this emotionless stare as I was still stunned by her awkward hairstyle. It has this flat out snip on her frontal fringe… that goes together with 2 very ridiculous looking longer fringe by the side of her temple.

It was fucking hideous. It made her face look like some bipedal primate from the Borneo jungle. I bet if she were to loiter anywhere near the Amazonian jungle… one might even mistaken her as the infamous enigmatic big footed Sasquatch. (if you do not know what a Sasquatch is, go find a nearest toilet bowl, put your head into it and flush)

I pretended to be unperturbed by her appearance and smiled back. A smile as fake as Demi Moore’s tits. I had to maintain my composure not to get a stroke or something – because I’ve got a lot more things to live for in this life. When I was taking my seat, she was still standing there looking at me… still with that comatose inducing smile. I noticed there was a big bouquet of flowers on her desk… and she probably wanted me to ask her about it.

But of course I wouldn’t. I refused. She could have bought that for herself and wanted some attention around. That ridiculous haircut was an additional effort to ensure nobody got left out from her broadcast of attention seeking signals. And when any unsuspecting victim were to ask about her Valentines gift or haircut – she would then leap on that person and rape the daylights out of him. That’s how a psychotic rapist would do to randomly pick their victims. Jude looked exactly like one to me.

No way I’m gonna check anything out on her. No way. And I’ll be looking out for sneak attacks throughout the week (she’s on the day shift this week).

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off