adventure in beauty parlor

Yesterday, I accompanied Emily to a beauty parlor. She needed to enquire about a skin care product that she had just bought lately. Well, needless to say, it was almost a suicide mission for me — for I failed to notice the dangers that spelunks the cursed place.

Alright, Emily started to enquire away while I was like sitting around to check some of the girls out .. u know .. I had that kind of primitive thinking that beauticians are probably beautiful themselves. (it was my first time stepping my foot in these ladies slaughterhouse). But boy, I was so fucking wrong. Instead of seeing proportional looking humans, I saw a bunch of mirror wrecking banshees - with their face padded with so much cosmetics that it would even cover up a monsoon drain.

Then, one of them, who was the one attending to Emily’s request .. started to ask me - “Have I seen you before ? You looked familiar ..” The moment I hear those words, I concluded the following :

She was stupid.– Thousands of people may have seen me before. How do I fucking know if she’s one of them ? Unless I have a referral script running inside my brain that allows me to register whoever that has gazed into my effervescent face before.

I already knew where the attempted conversation was heading. It was towards the direction of my wallet. Credit card department. She then exclaimed further :

“I sio kong u one of our customer maa. Interested in any treatment ?” [alright, she doesn't speak English that well.]

I gave her that “excuse me please ?” look before replying her -

“In case you failed to notice - I’m a guy. We don’t wash our face with a few thousand types of chemicals.”
“Well, guys have to care for their face too maa … rie ? ”
“I’m sure they do. I washes my face with soap.. and I think it’s good enough”
“No no, soap won’t be able to remove brackheads .. pimpess … bla bla bla..have to use this that .. ”

I managed to only grasp the first 2 jargons that came out from her mouth. Brackheads and pimpess … which that alone I had to decipher through my ample knowledge of hokkien-accented English to know that she meant — Blackheads and Pimples. I gave up after that.

I started to get panic when she began to preach me about face care. The situation was as bad as meeting a bunch of naked transvestite religious bigots who wanted me to join their cause. The difference was — I’m right inside their den .. and did that with a full conscious mind. *smacks head repeatedly*

I then scurried straight to the door and bail off immediately, leaving Emily behind. As I tried to whip out my car keys, I inadvertently saw those ladies came out running with a bunch of their cronies … armed with knives and ropes. Panic, I tripped upon a piece of protruded rock and fell onto the ground. With that disadvantage in place, there was no way for me to escape but to submit to their malicious intentions. I was then brought deep into their den and was repeatedly sexually ravaged off my innocence …

Alright, I was kidding about the last part. I bail off the place leaving Emily behind alright, which she later caught up with me outside. The sexual assault part didn’t actually happened. But then, I reckoned if I didn’t bail off the place right at that time, it probably would have really happened.

Who knows what might lurks inside the cynical & pernicious mind of a beautician ?