faking it

I’ve got a cousin who has an uncanny crave for gweilos (eurasian or westerners). She dreamt of marrying a gweilo one day when she grows up (if she ever). And of course, in order to be able to marry a gweilo, she figured that she need to speak like them. So, she had to fake her accent.

She started by speaking her fake English accent to her friends (alright, that’s acceptable). Then she speaks more fake English accent to her brother (ok). And when she discovered she had pubic hair growing on her farm, she started her fake English accent campaign aggressively against her parents (that’s when she turned abnormal).

Her father would converse with her in Cantonese, and she would reply in a fake English accent. Her fake accent campaign actually makes everyone in my extended family wondered …. what the fuck is wrong with this girl. Pardon me but, I remembered a few facts - that her mother tongue was actually Cantonese, and she hasn’t been to anywhere in the West.

Then, she became totally obsessed with her mind boggling language stunts — and officially made herself to become 100% westerner by speaking fake English accent to EVERYTHING.

She speaks fake English accent to all her cousins (including myself), my grandparents (who doesn’t understand English), to the plants, to the fishes, dogs, cats, fuck … I believe she even sneeze/cough in fake English accent. Our ring of cousins gave her a nickname - the white hag.

I mean .. if she can fake it well, no one’s gonna be able to tell if she really grew up somewhere in Alabama’s alley. But fuck, her accent was so badly faked .. that one’s gonna think she’s a retard or perhaps an imbecile.

I wondered what are these kind of people trying to prove with their fake accents - that they are of higher class when they have an English/American accent ? That they can actually impress people by faking their accent ?

Well, not sure about the others but I’m not impressed. In fact, I despise these kind of people. Maybe she needed some sessions with a psychologist to wake her up.