January 31, 2004

“The Last Samurai” (2003)

*spoiler warning*

Watched The Last Samurai last night. I don’t know, I just didn’t seem to enjoy that movie at all. I think it was very cheesy. Compared to battle themed movies like Braveheart… or The Messenger… this flick did not even register a notch in my book of impression.

The plot was downright preposterous. The fake blood looked too fake. Bullets ricocheted like catapult marbles. The battle scene looked like a B grade effect (seriously, Ultraman even scored better than this). The acting sucks too. Goddamn it… just avoid this movie at all cost.

I particularly felt bad about the last part… where Tom Cruise were being shot at by a 400 rounds per minute machine gun, fell from a full speed running horse, and yet, he was still able to perform a harakiri for his pervert-looking samurai buddy. That was just so fucking ridiculous. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD FROM THE MACHINE GUN SHOTS, IF NOT FROM THE FALL FROM THE HORSE!!

And after all the drama in the battle scene, and lost real hard in the battle, I thought the enemy would actually kill Tommy the invincible fake samurai when he was captured, or at least, torture the shit out of him for being such pain in the ass. But no. Instead, we have the entire platoon of carrot heads bowing them in deep respect (after the long battle and so many deaths)… What the fuck. A total crap.

And then, if it’s still not bad enough, the enemies would groom Tom Cruise and put him back into his captain uniform, and let him meet the emperor… just so that the emperor would be impressed with his pretentious bushido spirit… and to pave a way for him to foil the evil tyrant’s plan to make Japan a country ‘that forgot who they are’. And with that, our Tom Cruise will become a hero in his own way… where he will eventually forget himself, and ride a horse back to the remote village to screw the Japanese girl who used to hate him so much (because Tom killed her husband in a battle).

A complete crap. Like I said, avoid this movie at all cost.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 

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