January 18, 2004

neighbors – satan’s relatives

I was awakened by a violent knock on my front door this morning. Still suffering the hangover from the drinking binge the night before, I lazily schlepped over to answer the knock. It was an Indian lady… whom I recognized as the bitch neighbor who lives 2 floors beneath my apartment.

Me : “Yeah ?”

Bitch : “Eh… itu kereta nombor XXX kamu punya?”
[translation: is that car with the number XXX yours?]

Me : “Ermm yeah… it is my mom’s car. What seems to be the problem?”

Bitch : “You boleh adjust itu kereta ka?? Itu tempat untuk orang cuci kereta… kereta saya tak boleh masuk!”
[can you adjust your car?? That’s a carwash lot and I need to wash my car!]

Apparently, my ignorant mother parked at the carwash lot again, and she had gone out with my aunt. But I did not have her car keys with me at that time, so there was nothing I can do about the car. And that bitch wanted to wash her car, like, very desperately.

She was looking very pissed and was very rude when talked to me. Actually, I was not any less pissed too – partly because I was deprived of sleep, and secondly, she was yelling at me. But since I do not want any troubles, I tried to play it nice as I do not want to be ‘the unfriendly guy in the neighborhood’.

Me : “I’m really sorry about that but, my mom’s not in and I do not have her car key. Anyway, I’ll make sure she’s informed and move her car promptly.”

Bitch : “Ok”

And she left. I immediately called my mom on her cellphone after that, and gave her a good scolding. She told me that she was on her way home and it shouldn’t be long. So, I went back to my sleep. About 5 minutes later, I was crudely awakened again… this time, it was somebody honking the car. I went out to check the commotion, it was the same Indian bitch. She was honking her car like a lunatic, behind my mom’s static automobile.

Me : [irated] “What do you want?”

Bitch : “Eh… lu tak mau adjust lu mia kereta ke??”
[Eh… why haven’t you adjust your car yet??]

I was fucking pissed.

Me : “Didn’t I just tell you, I do not have the fucking keys! What do you want me to do now?? Why can’t you hold back your oh-so-important mission to wash your car until my mom comes back??”

Bitch : “Orang nak cuci kereta… tiap kali kena naik rumah kamu untuk cakap! Susah macam ni!”
[Each time I want to wash my car, I’ll have to come up to your place to ask you move your car! This isn’t right!]

Me : [super fucking pissed] “Go fuck yourself”

But I think she did not hear my cuss. What I could not understand was, why couldn’t she just fucking wait? I already told her I do not have the fucking key to my mom’s car. I wonder what was she expecting me to do, burn my mom’s car to ashes so that she can use the carwash lot??

And her car is just a 10 over years old Proton junk. And she fucking washes her car a few times a week… what kind of sadistic creature would wash its car a few times a week? (I only washes mine a few times A YEAR. And my car is much more expensive than her’s…) Only an uneducated yokel like her would do that (that explains why she couldn’t communicate in English…)

I hope this would be the last time of our encounter. The next time she yells or honks at me, I’m gonna wreck her fucking car up so bad that she won’t be able to wash it ever again in her miserable life.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 

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