Archive for 2003

November 20, 2003

food taboo

There was a program shown on National Geographic last night talking about food taboo. It was basically a study about various cultural differences when it comes to food. Eg. durian smells good to most of us South East Asians, but the Westerners think it smells rotten.
Quite interesting I must say.

Now that durian example was just a light case. Do you know that there are actually places in this world that condones eating exotic animals? There was this one part in the show featuring candid interviews with a few gweilos (typical white dudes) about consuming dog meat — “Eeeewww… I would never eat a dog. It’s cruel.”

They were exhibiting such an intense abhorrence on the topic as if they were being asked to kill and eat their school music teacher. Killing dogs are cruel, they said. They can’t bear the thought of having to kill a living dog just to have its meat. Like, you’d be cast into the deepest pits in hell if you do that. You get the idea.

You know what? Those guy are assholes.

They must have thought that beef and pork are derived from vegetables. If I was actually there during the interview session, I would have yelled square at their faces – WAKE UP! PEOPLE KILL ANIMALS FOR FOOD! From the beef patty in your MacDonald’s burger, to the bucket of fried chicken you ordered for your son’s birthday, they’re all parts from an animal slaughter. If you still do not fucking get it, here’s another way of saying it – some animals have to die everyday to feed your ignorant and stupid ass. And why is it so different with dogs?

My point is – don’t be such a hypocritical jackass if you don’t know about something. If you’re a meat eater, then you’re a meat eater. It makes no difference if you eat a chicken or a giraffe. If you’re refraining from eating certain types of meat because it violates some of your personal principle, fine. Just don’t fucking eat it. But don’t be going around insulting other cultures as CRUEL, just because they eat something you do not agree.

Let’s face it. We humans have been eating animals for thousands of years to evolve into what we are today. Had our cave dwelling ancestors had reservations about consuming meat, we’d all be sloths hanging upside down on tree branches now, or worst, folded back in existence through massive extinction. We needed all the proteins, fibers, fats, minerals and energy for the evolution. For the brain to grow. For survival.

Food taboo is a very sensitive topic and has always been. For me, I personally believe that all cultures are unique and they should be respected as they ought to be. They world will be a much peaceful place if we could only learn how to respect other cultures. Having said that, I am not ashamed to admit that I’d eat anything edible just to get a taste. Not so much on respecting other cultures but, just a principle of my own that I only get to live once, if I don’t try it in this lifetime, I won’t get another life. (and I don’t go around condemning people who eats something out of my common diet)

Anyway, it was a good show.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
November 19, 2003

post Rob era

Many of my friends have been asking me… who will be your boss after Rob left? Not wanting to keep my friends and readers itching in suspense, I now have 2 new bosses. 1st – work boss, 2nd – administrative boss.

Work boss – the guy who needs to know every fuck I do at work. This includes my job scope and project for quarter/year and also my career development as an engineer.

Administrative boss – the guy who approves my annual leave whenever I don’t feel like working… and the guy who gives a shit about my welfare during working hours.

So, who’s my new boss?
My new work boss is Pete. If you can still remember, he is the same guy who organized the calamitous karaoke farewell for my ex-colleague CK. Pete is an ok guy… although he lacked of the intelligence to even know what exactly am I doing everyday. One thing I like about him is — he actually LISTENS whenever someone speaks. Now, that’s a very rare trait to be found nowadays. Another beautiful thing about Pete is, he’d approve anything that I pass to him, no questions asked.

My administrative boss is – unexpectedly – my colleague Kermit. Kermit is in his late 30’s and is a senior engineer. His pay is a few times higher than mine, so, he can be my boss.

How’s life after Rob left?
I hate to admit this but, it’s getting really boring for me and my colleagues after Rob left. As if we’ve lost a purpose in life… by losing a common object to hate at. We used to be able to vent all our anger and frustration by talking behind his back or laugh at his ass. But now that we’ve lost our dummy, our stress have nowhere to go. Rob is like the Japs in WW II that surrendered and ended the war. When the war ended, we start to become complacent and put on weight. Eventually, we’ll all be too fat to trim our own toe nails.

Same thing here. Rob’s departure made our brain too free from worries and lack of exercise. And eventually, our brains will all turn slow, rusty and infested by fungus. Seriously, I think I need to look for a surrogate for Rob’s position… else we’d risk of bringing down the whole chain of ecosystem…

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
November 18, 2003

a common fraud

A few days ago, my sister paraded around the house showing off her new haircut…

“That’s a disgusting haircut. You looked like a typical witch version of ah lian” I remarked.

This of course aggravated her, which prompted her to respond,

“You and your poor eyesight. I am better looking than a lot of people. You ought to go for a checkup”.

“If you’re as good looking as you claim to be, then why would you need cosmetics or a fancy haircut to enhance your looks? Or are you trying to mask your ugliness? Just accept the fact already, you’re born ugly.”

My comment immediately sent her back into my mom’s room, in front of the mirror. She would look at herself to check for imperfections (it was everywhere, but she was too blind to spot one…) and attempted to fend for herself on my acerbic comment. But I think deep inside, she knows – that I have revealed an ultimate truth. It was her ego that was fucking with her.

Well… my sister indeed isn’t that bad looking compared to many living organism. Worms, houseflies, proboscis monkeys, to name a few. But revealing the truth and aggravate her at the same time is sure fun.

Anyway, back to the topic. Has anyone actually wondered, why do girls need to wear make up to feel more confident? Why do they need all the fancy hairdo’s to look good? Why do they like to make their face looks different with thick makeovers? Are these implications that they are ashamed of how they really looked like? And they’re masking their face up with makeovers and deception just to be confident? This is so wrong.

Imagine yourself seeing a pair of cool Timberland boots, which you liked very much. After saving enough money to buy it and bring it home, it turns out to be of different color, design and product altogether. In that case, would you feel cheated? You paid for a pair of boots you liked, but it somehow turned out to be something different! So if your girl were to look different without makeup, would you feel like you’ve been cheated? It’s very hard to think that you wouldn’t, dude.

Let’s face it. We are now all living in a world full of deception. Our ancestors used to say – do not believe anything unless you see it with your own pair of eyes. That belief is sure obsoleted now. With science and technology, nothing is impossible. Beautiful things are not natural anymore because the fake is so much better than the original. Fake face, fake teeth, fake tits, fake hairs… you name it.

For me, I will try to be honest here. I would like my girl to be attractive of course (hey,… who doesn’t?). But I would prefer for her to be like that ALL THE TIME. No makeovers to veil her face. No fake eyelashes. No fake titties for me to get excited. No fancy hairdo’s. I want her to be pleasant, just like that. All natural. And I’m glad that I found her.

So, to you guys out there. Good luck. Just a caution – be sure to check how “boots” really look like before bringing them home. Do not make critical decisions based on the first impression. You need to ‘test drive’. You need to clear the deception, and find out about the truth…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off

(more and more) ‘let out’ session

My department is planning to have a team building at the end of December, and I was nominated as part of the committee member to organize the event.

The arrangements include planning of headcount, balancing the budget, duty segregation amongst the committee members, selection of venue, transport arrangements, etc. A whole long list of them. It wasn’t easy. I never knew that planning for a mindless event can be so much pain in the ass.

My duty in the committee was to work out something that would make people wanting to participate in the event. This pretty much includes activity planning and also the lucky draw event. And while doing that, I kinda realized a lot of things about people in general. Sort of like an eye opener for me.

You see, the purpose of a teambuilding program is to educate people about the importance of working together as a team. Or just simply, it’s a program to make assholes realize that he’s not John Rambo. It’s a good thing. So, why the fuck do we need to give them free stuff or organize lucky draws to get them to do something that’s already good for them in the first place? Are they too stupid to realize that this is suppose to be good for them?

I actually quoted this in the meeting : “We people are really screwed up. We need to bribe them to do something good for themselves? That’s really stupid”. My point is, teambuilding is useless if the participants are not committed in the first place. Bribing them with gifts to get them to attend the event — is one perfect example that those people lacked of the commitment to improve. They will not attend the teambuilding event if there aren’t any free lunch or cool looking caps for them to bring home. They only want those free gifts, not the teambuilding. If that’s the case, what’s the point then, to organize the fucking teambuilding? Why don’t we just give the money away to charity instead? It would have served a better purpose.

Before I was nominated to join this committee, I was well known to be a skipper myself. I have skipped basically almost every teambuilding there ever was. Everyone said that proves that I’m a misanthrope. Well… misanthrope my ass. I told my boss (not Rob, it’s Rob’s boss – SaltyFish) the reason I refused to join any of their teambuilding was because of their bullshits. Their programs suck and they are only suitable for retards like them. That was why I got elected as part of the committee – to organize one that doesn’t suck and for normal people. Me and my big mouth.

And now, I have to figure this big problem – how to make a bunch of stupid working adults to learn about the importance of teamwork? I proposed to throw them in an isolated island without anything for a week… but my suggestion was rejected. It is too dangerous and not practical – they said. Well, I guess those bunch of sissies prefer to be Rambo after all. They want their teambuilding to be simple like a primary school sports day event with free lunch. Fuck them.

Kinda sad when you think of it doesn’t it? That I have to work with these people every fucking day.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
November 17, 2003


I love kids. Oh they are so cute that I can’t resist to pinccccchhhhh them on the face. They are so especially adorable when they shriek out loud, breaking stuffs, poke holes on your paper lamps, etc. And when I need them the most, they will always be here to run around my place and rearrange all my fridge magnets. Aww… how nice.

I have a few kid nephews and nieces. I like them very much. They are the most talented kids I’ve ever seen in my life. They have the savvy and talent to express themselves in the form of natural art, such as fingerprinting and footprinting on my lovely apartment walls. And at times when they want to be more creative, they will not hesitate to use props to aid their expression – such as crayons, pens, pencils, permanent markers and even lick with their own pink colored drools (after eating the ever delicious strawberry flavored ice-cream).

Oh I’m so thrilled to have them around. I guess that’s why I can’t wait to have my own kids. I have seen one of my colleagues, Blackie, having so much fun with his child. He saved a lot of money from purchasing alarm clocks because his little boy would wake him up at his most desired time – just like an alarm clock would, how nice.

Raising a kid is not hard at all, Blackie said. It only takes up about 99% of your time babysitting that lovely child and about 50% of your sleeping hours waking up to stop the natural alarm clock. It’s cheap too. You only need to spend about 1/4 of your salary every 2 weeks on babysitting expenditures… which is still ok… consider the fact that you still have 50% of your salary left for all your bills, home loans, car loans, car maintenance, insurance, taxes, groceries, etc.

I can tell that Blackie is enjoying his used-to-be-mundane life very much now, as he has more things to do now – rather than watching the productivity-impairing TV at home. And he lost about 40% of his weight too – which saved him a lot of money and time as he need not to go to the gymnasium to work his lards out. He’s now naturally slimmer. I mean, what could be better than this? Enjoy and get fit at the same time? Come on!

Some people, they do not like kids at all. Those are mean people. Bad people. They do not know how to appreciate the things nature has to offer – like aromatic puke, grains of sticky rice, colorful ketchups, and all the wonderful things that come with the ever playful kids. You see, even insects love to have kids around (because most kids feed them everyday). I don’t understand why those mean people hate kids so much.

They should learn how to love and admire the beauty of things… let kids brighten up their life or something. They’ve got to get out of the circle … open up their mind, and reach for the lighter side of themselves.

Ahhh… if everyone could think properly like I do… there will be no more happiness suffering.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | Comments Off