Archive for December, 2003

December 21, 2003

i finally woke up

Today, I finally managed to prove that human sometimes can become like bears, or any other animals they want. They just need to take control of their own mind and forgo the idea that they are human.

For example, today, I imagined myself as a bear. And I hibernated from 3 am to 12 noon. Woke up, conveniently wolfed down my lunch and hibernated again till 7pm. I thought of barging into a river to terrorize some salmon but, that idea was just so impractical.

So, I hoovered some canned sardines instead.

Short blog recently due to mind constipation. Expected to resume back to normal after sufficient dosage of alcohol medication at upcoming xmas party.

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off
December 20, 2003

damn kid

I wonder if excessive consumption of wasabi could cause any side effects to our health? Like a temporary brain damage or something like that?

I was harassed by a 3 – 4 years old kid during my lunch at Sushi King today. And for what I believed to be the ill effects of consuming too much of the edible green plasticine, I did not waste him up for disturbing me.

I thought of scaring that little booger with my horrific look (tears and phlegm from overdosage of wasabi) but, I was not in the mood.

That damn kid was sure lucky today.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
December 19, 2003

new office cubicle

I received a memo yesterday – that I am required to move my desk across the office into another cubicle. Reason? The director wants my place for his new office.

Well, it’s a good thing, as my current place is quite crampy and hot. So without objection, I started to move my stuff over to the new cubicle since late yesterday. The new cube is nice, very spacious, and is located at a very nice corner with plenty of privacy.

But there is one thing about my new cube that bugs me — it is located right next to Jude. Now what about Jude? She’s scary, man. I can’t accurately describe much about her except that she’s got this fondness to come near and talk to me. The thing is, she makes me feel uncomfortable.

I’ve always averted from talking too much to her before this. I’d steer myself away whenever I see her in front. I’d go ‘oh-ok-yeah’ to shorten every conversation. But somehow, she has always been able to catch me up. Uggh.

Anyway, the idea of me moving next to her is a venison moving next to a colony of hyenas. It’s almost pronounced like a death sentence. When she saw me move my stuff in, she kinda excitedly stood up and exclaimed “You moved next to my cube! Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk!”. I swear that’s exactly how she laughs. Freakishly freakish.

I am imagining the worst now. Like when I am busy typing something important (like an entry for my blog)… I’d suddenly notice some acrid smelling transparent goo dripping from above… and then when I look up to check out what the fuck was that — I will see Jude salivating from above peeking at me – like that nasty alien in the movie ‘Alien’. And that’s when she would cue in her “hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk” trademark giggle.

Fuck. I think I’ll need to apply for permission from the management to install some high voltage barb wire along the perimeter of my office cube. Then, probably keep a couple of pitbulls guarding the passageway, and hire a 24-7 security guard armed with some nasty hole punchers. Maybe lace a few bouncing betty’s underneath the carpet as well… just to keep her away…

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
December 18, 2003

eric the disturbed – the cendol stall incident

Weather: fine and windy.

After our lunch today, we went to our usual place for cendol. Then came a scrawny girl (who looks like one of the dehydrated carcass in Nat Geo’s “Mummy Road Show”) in her office uniform – who then stood by the side of the cendol stall waiting for the cendol peddler to pack her takeaway orders. She had this peevish look on her face, as if she had just lost her underwear in a bet.

As usual, I began to give a quick review on her. I told the guys “That girl is a party goer. Look at the piercings on her ear”. Eric was checking her out as I was reporting my observation, “See her eyes? They have dark rims, lack of sleep. Her legs are a bit muscular, dance too much. A confirmed regular clubber.”

“Yeah … her legs are muscular. Too big.” Apparently, Eric spoke too loud to pique the girl’s attention, which she reacted by giving us this disdainful look. We could tell that she’s already having a bad enough day, only to be made worse by our group.

Anyway, then along came this guy named Guan. Guan’s from our workplace and he’s also Eric’s employee. Guan dropped by the cendol stall and he was standing beside the sourpuss girl. Guan saw us from the stall and greeted us “What’s up guys? Enjoying your cendol?”.

Eric then cheekily replied him loudly “Yeah. Dog milk cendol. You know how they make the cendol? They milk the dog [pointing at a stray dog] and mix it with coconut milk. That’s why the taste is different”. He was of course bullshitting, but it made us laugh very hard.

Sourpuss girl of course heard the whole exchange and apparently, she didn’t take it very well. She should be laughing but instead, she looked horrified. It was as if she believed every word Eric said and yet, she’s trying to hold back at those terrible thoughts of having animal parts in the cendol. Eric on the other hand, was slurping his cendol away happily while grinning wryly at Guan.

We left the place before the sourpuss girl did. But Guan was still waiting for his takeaway beside the girl. When Blackie strolled his car past the stall, I jokingly dared Eric to wind down the window to tease Guan. And Eric did it.

Eric wound down the window and shouted at the top of his lungs “Guan! We know you are pretending there! Why wait man? Just tackle her lahhh! Ahhahahahah !”. The girl looked even funnier when she heard Eric. It was that deer-in-the-spotlight kind of look, you know, totally dumbfucked. We’re laughing so hard that Blackie almost swerved his car into the opposite traffic.

Who would have thought that a man at Eric’s age (mid 40’s) who is also a top executive in a multinational company could behave like a complete schmuck? Not at all man.

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off

blackie sucks

Sometimes, I would get really pissed with my colleague – Blackie. I think he has a fucked up thinking that he don’t rightfully breathe at all.

He can sometimes be a very self centered person, and unbelievably particular at one thing. For example, he would drive 10km further to another station just to earn an extra point for his petrol. I mean, come on, not that the extra point would get you much…

In my country, this is commonly called – Kiasu or Kiasi (afraid of losing or die). It’s a cynical behavior that is known to plague the Chinese in Malaysia and Singapore. Typically, a kiasu person would calculate up to the cents and points just for his/her own advantage. Such is the character of Blackie, my lunch mate. And if it involves borrowing or lending stuff, he would always be the one to borrow and never lend. That is why I never ask him out to a party or a drink. I don’t party or drink with a people like him. It makes me feel sad.

This morning, I was complaining about some traffic problem I encountered a few weeks ago. I was complaining about some inconsiderate fuckers who did 20 – 30 kph on a perfectly clear, straight, one-way and wide expressway, on the express lane. I was expecting some rational empathy from the guys but much to my shock and horror, I got a protest from Blackie. I was like, alright, why do you think it’s wrong for me to feel this way. He said it’s perfectly legal for them to drive 20 – 30 kph on a perfectly clear, straight, one-way and wide expressway, on the express lane – because they are merely complying to the speed limit. I went like – What the fuck??

To me, that’s definitely road hogging. Driving at 20 – 30kph is ridiculous and those who drives at that speed on the express lane on ANY ROAD, ought to be hung and shot. Or at least get a ticket. But Blackie insisted that roads without the speed limit sign, have a standard limit of 40 kph. Doug seem to also support that idea (that old fart). I do not know what the fuck was wrong with both of them today but, I lambasted at them right away

“That’s why we have so many cases of inexplicable traffic congestions! It is because we have fucked up people like both of you.”

There are no such rules that you should drive your car complying to the imaginary 40 kph speed limit if there’s no speed limit sign. If you want to go somewhere – go there FAST and safe. He told me “Even the parking lot has a speed limit of 10 kph…”

“That’s because they are PARKING LOTS moron… Parking lots are different from expressways.”
“Some bigger highways have a speed limit of 60 kph. What more of this smaller expressway you’re talking about?”
“You stupid fuck. That’s probably because there are exceptionally high number of accidents there and they specially imposed a 60 kph limit.”

I don’t understand how a guy of 30 years old still could not get his mind straight.

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