I met a weird guy.

It happened inside this cocksuckers club. Right after the Christmas countdown, the club put somekind of dirty dancing performance at the stage (told you the club sucked) and it was right in front of our place. It featured a few scantily dressed young girls dancing seductively at some corny spin by the mongoloid DJ …

Then came this corpulent dude with a thick spectacle. He stood right in front of our views and since he was so horizontally wide, we couldn’t see a thing. As the show wasn’t that impressive anyway, we decided to let him enjoy it on behalf of us and continued to focus on our boozing.

After for what must be like 5 minutes or so, I still saw the spec-dude standing at our line of sight. It seemed like he was having the highest moment of his life looking at a particular dancer - whom I think was the sluttiest of all. It was then, I decided to check him out.

I went to him and put my hand around his bloated shoulder. He looked at me. I gave him “hi dude” smile. I was being my usual self, u know .. making friends like I always did. He focussed back on the slut dancer. He was sweating profusely. I reckoned he must be imagining something vveerrryyy bad while watching the dirty dance.

I then gave him a nudge. He looked back at me. I gave him a wry smile and a wink. He gave me an emotionless stare .. and quickly focus back on the slut dancer again. Then I told him “Hey … the dancer you’re checking out .. she’s an absolute slut huh ? I can tell that you liked her very much.” He then turned to me .. and gave me this innocent look. He then gestured with his both hands by waving “no .. don’t beat me up”.

Damn, he must have thought I’m someone who’s looking for a fight with him. He looked so scared. Man … I had to pacify that dude out by gesturing back “im cool .. it’s ok. nothing happened here..don’t be scared”. And once I completed the gesture, he resumed his fantasy watching the slut.

That must be the weirdest guy I have ever met in my life. Is this suppose to be a sign that Penang is undergoing somekind of change that affects it’s denizens ? Will I turn into a being like this weird dude ? I don’t know man … but I certainly don’t want to be like him.

How was my Christmas ? Well, it was ok … but it could have been better. Went to the wrong club and spoiled my eve. The DJ in that particular club sucked big time.

I mean, it was very obvious that the club couldn’t find any DJ for their Christmas party and they simply grabbed a dude from an institution who knew nuts about music … and it trashed many people’s hope for a great party. This will be the last time I ever step into that place again.

Yesterday evening, I went shopping for groceries with Emily. While Emily was busy looking for her stuffs, I stumbled into the shampoo department looking for .. well .. shampoo. Then all of a sudden, I was surrounded by 3 - 4 promoters - each of them eyeing me like a bunch of hyenas waiting to charge. They seemed to appear from nowhere. I’m surprised. Then one of them approached me.

Promoter #1 : “Looking for shampoo ?”

Me : “Err … yeah.”
[I was in the shampoo department. What was wrong with her ?]

Promoter #1 : “Oily hair ?”
[She looked serious]

Me : “I think so.”

Promoter #1 : “Dandruff ?”
[She sounded professional]

Me : “I don’t know. Maybe no.”

She proceeded to open up a few bottles.

Promoter #1 : “Here .. smell them. These are natural shampoos made from bla bla .. 5 in 1 .. conditioner .. AHA .. natural …$%^&*!@”
[Price - 20 over bucks for a small bottle]

Me : “Err .. no thanks. I think I’ll be able to settle by myself. ”

I’m actually looking for something more simple and economic - coz i wash my hair 2 - 3 times a day. I don’t give a fuck about any AHA, conditioner or whatever funny chemical they put into a shampoo. I don’t know and not interested to know what they can do to my hair either. I just want something that can wash my hair. As long as it’s big, cheap and smelled ok - I’ll be happy enough.

Promoter #1 : “You have any brands in mind ? Rejoice ? Head&Shoulders ? Pantene ?”

Me : “No brands in mind. I just need a good smelling shampoo with a good price.”

Promoter #1 : “Oh.. we have this Sassoon shampoo on promotion. It got this [some very weird chemical name] and this this that this FUCK”
[That shampoo was expensive. I'm pissed. She won't let me shop my own shampoo. I feel like being rude].

Me : “No no .. I don’t want all that. I’ll know when I found my ideal shampoo .. ok ?”

I wandered off into another section of cheaper looking shampoos. A middle aged promoter approached me from nowhere. I think they learned voodoo or something to be able to appear just like that.

Promoter #2 : “Looking for shampoo ? We’ve got this brand $%^&*^*&^%^&%^#E%$&(^*^&*^*%$^$”
[Again ... promoting a very complicated brand of shampoo. It's small and expensive.]

Me : [pointed at a big cheap bottle of shampoo] “Auntie … I want this bottle”

The promoter suddenly changed her friendly expression and replied “Go get yourself”. She then walked away.

I held up the big, cheap, green and great smelling shampoo triumphantly like Rivaldo holding the World Cup. The cheap shampoo repelled the rest of the promoters as I ambled along … and I gave them a wry smile.

Lesson learnt : Never walk into a shampoo department looking innocent or confused. Wanted to buy shampoo ? Barge into the area … grab a few big sized shampoo you can find and bail from that cursed place. Sort out the expensive one in another department (like the pet food department) and pay for the one u like. If fail to find your ideal shampoo .. repeat barge process. Period.

In average, we have less than 80 christmas to celebrate … for which, 1/4 of them were wasted when we’re prepubescent.

1/4 will be spent as a middle aged parent who worries about their kids.
1/4 will be spent in old age.

Hence, theoretically, we only have 1/4 of them left to celebrate.

That’s why you ought to spend your Christmas the best way you can.

Merry Christmas to all you sweet people out there.

hey.. did anyone watched discovery channel last night ? It showed some naked tribals wearing dick gourds. Dick gourds = some long horn-shaped container that used as a protective cover to keep their dicks. While they have this dick gourds covering their dicks, their nuts can be seen hanging loose like a teabag. As for the female version, they don’t have gourds. They just let their saggy & wrinkled boobs flutter + bouncing all over the place.

For certain reason, I found this quite ironic. In my country Malaysia, we have strict laws against showing stuffs like this (u know .. naked peeeeple) on TV. Our censorship board even ban kissing scenes from movies. To protect the innocence, they claimed. Well, innocence my ass ler …

When I saw the naked tribals on TV, I shouted out loud - Hey ! what the fuck is this all about !? They allowed tribals to get naked on TV, but not normal people ? Are they a bunch of fucking sadist or what ?

To me, the only difference between tribals and normal people getting naked on TV .. is that the tribals looked much more uglier. I wondered if the censorship boards are really tribal themselves, since they loved to see their kinds getting naked on TV performing those weird orgies on animals & trees. Programmes like this can confuse the young & even create a phobia to them first timers who saw those hideous genitalias of tribals.

Why would they censor the good and show us the bad ones ? Are they seeking gratification by pissing off the public with their nonsensical censoring ?

Damn those masochist censorship board cows.