December 24, 2003

the shampoo story

I went shopping for groceries with Emily yesterday. While she was busy looking for her stuff, I stumbled into the shampoo department looking for… well… shampoo. Then all of a sudden, I was surrounded by 3 – 4 promoters – each of them eyeing on me like a bunch of vultures waiting to pick rotten flesh off a carcass. They seem to appear out from nowhere! I was shocked shitless. Then one of them approached me.

Promoter #1 : “Looking for shampoo?”

Me : “Err … yeah.”
[I was in the shampoo department. What was wrong with her?]

Promoter #1 : “Oily hair ?”
[She looked serious]

Me : “I don’t know. I think so.”

Promoter #1 : “Dandruff ?”
[She sounded professional]

Me : “Maybe. Maybe no.”

She then proceed to open up a few bottles of shampoo.

Promoter #1 : “Here… smell them. These are natural shampoos made from bla bla… 5 in 1… conditioner .. AHA .. natural …$%^&*!@”
[Price – 20 over bucks for a small bottle]

Me : “Err .. no thanks. I think I’ll be able to settle by myself. ”

I’m actually looking for something simpler and more economical – that’s because I washes my hair 2 – 3 times a day. I don’t give a fuck about any AHA, conditioner or whatever they put into the shampoo. I just want something that can fucking wash my hair. As long as it’s big, cheap and smells ok – I’m a happy man.

Promoter #1 : “You have any brand in mind? Rejoice? Head & Shoulders? Pantene? [insert brand]?”

Me : “No brands in mind. I just need a good smelling shampoo with a good price.”

Promoter #1 : “Oh… we have this Sassoon shampoo on promotion. It got this [some very weird chemical name] and this this that this FUCK”
[That shampoo she recommended was fucking expensive. I was beginning to feel annoyed. She won’t let me look for my own shampoo.].

Me : “No no… I don’t want all that. Please leave me alone. I’ll know when I found my ideal shampoo… ok ?”

I wandered off into another section of cheaper looking shampoos. Another middle aged promoter approached me from nowhere. I think they learned black magic or something to be able to appear out of thin air just like that.

Promoter #2 : “Looking for shampoo? We’ve got this brand $%^&*^*&^%^&%^#E%$&(^*^&*^*%$^$”
[Again … promoting a very complicated brand of shampoo. Small and expensive.]

Me : [pointed at a big cheap bottle of shampoo] “Auntie … I want this bottle”

The promoter suddenly changed her friendly expression and replied “Go get yourself”. She then walked away.

I held up the big, cheap, green and great smelling shampoo triumphantly like Rivaldo holding the World Cup. The cheap shampoo repelled the rest of the promoters as I ambled along… and I gave them a wry smile.

Lesson learnt : Never walk into a shampoo department looking innocent or confused. Want to buy shampoo? Barge into the area… grab a few big sized shampoos you can find and bail from that cursed place. You can always filter out the expensive ones in another department (like the pet food department) and pay for the one you like. If fail to find your ideal shampoo… repeat the barge process. Period.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

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