Heard “The Girl is Mine” by MJ and Paul McCartney over the radio just now.

I think the lyrics needed a lil’ bit of change to catch-up with time.

“The doggone girl is mine …” ought to be changed to “The goddamn girl is mine …”

Sounded better … isn’t it ?

Damn pigdogs. You know pigdogs ? In english … they are known as hillbillies or rednecks (typically also known as john/johnny). In chinese, they are also known as ah bengs.

Typical asian pigdogs are often sported with blonde hair (dyed), a mobile phone that has more lights than a casino and a face only their mother could love. And for those pigdogs that can afford a car, they can be easily recognized with a muffler big enough to fit my bolster in.

I met one very naive pigdog just now when I was coming back from dinner. I was stopping for a red light at a 1-lane turn junction. Then there’s this pigdog came shoving his car from the side. This really pissed me off. Why can’t he just queue up for the red light just like everyone else ?

His stupid wira got a big fucking muffler and you can hear them humming like an aedes mosquito pump. As if his car can do 200 at that corner. Well, 200 my ass when if he meets me. I got a black belt in aggravating pigdogs.

When the light turned green, I stepped on my gas & charged him to the corner - where he’ll have no choice but to pull into my back. I purposely did a 50 on an open road, testing his patience…. and he gave me a honk. I tried to give him an ample space to overtake me (so that I can terrorize him from behind). But this bastard was too chicken to overtake me … but he follow up REAL close.

Finally, when the road was big enough for a logging truck to park sideway, he manage to gather his guts to overtake me. I did a shortcut and was back infront of him. Stupid pigdog. I did a 40 this time … slow enough to piss a taichi master behind wheels. He kept honking and follow real close at my back.

Then, I did the final stunt. I stepped on my brakes real hard. No ABS. That stance caught that pigdog in a real bad position and he could not brake in time. He swung his wheels to the opposite road, almost hitting the pavement. I stopped my car entirely with my hands on my steering lock (to swing at his car in case he came out to bitch).

But instead of stopping to meet my steering lock, he fled the scene like a chicken without an ass. And to my astonishment, this guy got a “P” on his screen. No wonder he was so spastic. What an asshole.

*to non-malaysian readers, “P” on a car means that the driver has no full licence and requires to stick the “P” sticker on their car screen for 2 years… before getting a real licence. If you see a “P” on the road, keep off the distance if you wanted to live longer.

Special thanks to auyongtc for the info on “P” licence.

I woke up feeling like shit all over this morning. I felt so darn sleepy. Actually, I felt like this every morning except weekends, but today’s special. Why ? Coz I knew that I’m not going to have a good night sleep tomorrow onwards.

Emily’s sisters are coming to Penang tomorrow. Well, her sisters are ok, and fun to be with… but their kids are not. That’s right, 2 sisters, 2 nieces and 2 nephews. Maybe if I’m Michael Jackson, I’ll probably be delighted enough to drool buckets of silicon saliva with the sight of those kids. But this is Michael Ooi here. And he doesn’t like to be disturbed like an ogre. Ogres only like to eat, sleep, party and hump.

Tonight, I’ll have to keep all my harddisks .. cables … modems … and other computer groceries before tomorrow. It’s like preparing for a war, coz my delicate home will be turned into wrestling stage for those little bastards during the weekend. It’s floor will be littered with grains of rice and pukes … and hopefully, they will not wreck my sofa like what Charles did. That’s what I have to worry when all of them are here inside my apartment.

And what will I be worrying if they’re out there vacationing ? My car. Emily will be taking my car to drive them around the town. They will be jumping up and down inside my car and stress my absorbers to the limit. They’re not gonna hesitate to practice their footprinting art work on my cushions and screens. My car will be tortured and possibly, mutilated across the weekend like there’s no tomorrow. And I’m left all alone at home … no clubbing, no hanging out, no movies and to sit there worrying till my hairs turn white.

So, one way or another, I am truly fucked this weekend. That’s why I felt like shit today. Splatted in front of my work monitor thinking about justice and meaning of life. [tear drops roll down my cheek..]

“Where have you been these few days ?? You think this house is a hotel aa ?” –> that’s what my mom used to shout out loud when I spent more time outside than inside, only to return home to sleep. And that was many years ago when I was still a juvenile (though I have to admit that I virtually still am now). It happened again last few days. No .. not my mom shouting, but me spending all my time outside. It started on Monday 24th November:

Monday 24 November

8.00 am - work as usual

3.00 pm - the guys called. movie tonight. plan was set.

5.00 pm - went home to take a bath and got ready to go out again.

7.45 pm - went for my physiotherapy session (with Emily accompanying me).

8.40 pm - finally my turn to start the therapy after waiting for >40 minutes. Damn medic .. but the nurse on duty was kinda cute.

9.50 pm - the actual physiotherapy took only 30 mins but it lasted an hour due to high patients turnout. Sports injury in Penang is more popular than Linkin Park. But I’m cool about it for the sake of the cute nurse.

10.00 pm - Arrived at the cinema parking lot. The place’s 25 minutes away but it only took me 10 minutes to arrive. My car is fast.

10.05 pm - My front tyre looks abnormal. It’s not round. Shit… I had a puncture. Tyre was shoved with a big long fucking nail. Shouldn’t have blogged about changing a punctured tyre 2 weeks ago. Taboos are real.

10.06 pm - Worry car later. Went to meet up the guys first to find out which movie are we watching. We’re going to watch Brother Bear.

10.20 pm - Back at parking lot. Burned a few thousand calories changing that flat fucking tyre. Soaked wet with sweat as car park was musty and poorly ventilated. Got it done in 15mins. I’m good.

11.30 pm - Brother Bear starts. Movie was ok. Could’ve been better with more fight scenes / gore. This is a good movie for kids. I’m not a kid no more, so, I shouldn’t bitch in the first place.

Tuesday 25 November

1.40 am - Back at home. Took a bath… went to sleep. Freaking tired.

11.30 pm - Woke up. No wet dreams. Not working - Raya holiday.

12.30 pm - Went to mechanic. Had my flat tyre fixed and service my car at the same time. Gonna cost me an arm and leg. Seriously worried bout my monthly spending.

2.30 pm - Mechanic told me my tyre is fucked. Suggested to change front tyres or live with high risk flat tyre again. I needed some time to think about this. Gimme 5 minutes.

2.35 pm - To hell with monthly spending. Asked mechanic to change 4 tyres all at once to Michelin (high performance mia..). Threatened him to quote me a good price or else I’ll leave and never come back. He quoted me with a good price and proceeded to change my tyres.

3.30 pm - Car done and paid bill. Spent half grand for my car and I’m broke for the month.

4.00 pm - The guys called and asked me out for shopping. Plan was set. My turn to accompany Emily for her turn to leisure this time. I’ll have to do this to insure myself for better future.

5.00 pm - Emily started her shopping session with the girls. I am with the rest of the BOD guys to follow them all around, shopping. I hate shopping. With girls.

8.00 pm - The girls still not done with their shopping. My leg hurts. I want to go home. Girls are sick and crazy.

8.30 pm - The girls finally done with their shopping after our constant explicit mocking. Someone suggested to dine at a seafood restaurant. Great idea. That’s way better than shopping.

9.00 pm - Arrived at seafood restaurant. The place was secluded. Food sux & expensive. Lots of stray dogs. Worst dinner I ever had in my life.

10.00 pm - Hangout at coffee bean. Decent food to patch up bad seafood dinner earlier. Coffee bean’s Chicago cheese cake ROCKS !!!

2.00 am - Back home to sleep again. Super freaking tired.

And today, I had to wake up at 8am to go to work. When I woke up, my eyelids were heavier than The Rock … can’t get it to open. I’m virtually drifting out and about even as I’m doing this blog entry. Damn I need an Espresso.

There’s once, while I was pretending to look busy in front of my PC (in my office), I accidentally got into a site. It’s actually a URL that my friend had forwarded to me. It was a flash site or something. Clicking it reveals a scene of a very old woman doing something - then it happened.

Apparently, I left my speaker on without realizing it. Without warning, a loud ketchup song (Le Je .. Le Je…) started to play on my set of speakers (I have an Altec Lansing home theater system … for sure it’s FREAKING LOUD). It almost shocked me into concussion. The granny started to do ketchup dance on my screen with the loud ketchup song in the background.

I was stunned for a second or two … before I realize the boner before my eyes. Then, I started to panic. I could not find the exact way to close the window … and the ketchup song was still pumping out loud in my office. It took less than a couple of seconds before almost everyone knew where the sound came from and curious heads started to pop up from their cubes. Then, when my senses started to regain it’s functionality from the stun that I had, I quickly pulled out my Altec Lansing speaker plug to stop the sound from damaging my reputation any further.

There it was … the granny … still doing her ketchup dance on my screen. But the damage has already been unleashed. Everyone was giving me a perplexed look …while some were laughing their ass off about my misfortune. It was a very embarassing incident. I was very fortunate that it wasn’t any porn site that features bimbos moaning their climax blues … else it would have been catastrophic. I might even lose my job.

Don’t you hate it when things like this occurs to you ? I really hate sites with sounds. Especially those without warning. I posted this entry when one of the engineers in my lab encountered the same problem today. He looked real busy to me with all his serious look in front of his monitor screen. Then, there’s this loud sound “Muahahahahahahah!!!” came out from his speaker. I stood up to have a look - and found that he is actually surfing somekind of science fiction site. Incidents like this always burst your bubbles and get you into troubles (shampoo lyrics).

Then there’s another type which features graphical tricks. Again, I got a forwarded mail from a friend. It’s an .exe file (it was pre-virus frenzy era.. .exe wasn’t that dangerous back then). I double clicked it and a picture of a D-sized boobie popped up. Aww.. how nice. When I tried to close it, the pop-up window will multiply - which means, I can see four D-sized boobies in 2 pop-up windows. And when I tried to close more, the pop-up window will continue to multiply - and without realizing it, I have boobies all over my screen (ok .. maybe I was a bit stupid to fall into the trick). I started to panic (again) as my cube (back then) was situated very close to a walkway … and my screen can be easily seen by the public. In the end, I had to turn off my notebook to rid of the pop-up boobies program.

Having learnt so many lessons the hard way, I’ve become much smarter now. I have disabled my sound properties in all my computers and also, I have moved to a very strategic place for my cube - where nobody will be able to see my screen from a common place. I have also installed a mirror at a specific angle, where I’m able to tell if there’s someone sneaking up from behind.

But that was all for backup purposes… because I usually view all my personal mails inside my lab. And when I’m inside the lab, I have my world on my own .. coz the place is off limit to the public … including my new boss - Pete. Now … I’m not afraid of ketchup grannies and poppup boobies no more.