durian

I finally bought my first durian today. Most of the time, I am a backup durian ‘opener’ and a very active eater… but never had I bought a durian before.

Perhaps some you guys out there have something to say about my inexperience. But you can’t blame me for that… for I was brought up to believe that all the durian peddlers in this world are crooks and conmen… and they can never be trusted. They will always say that they have the best durian ever, but these people only say that to make you part with your money for an inferior durian… They are ruthless daylight ruffians…and we are gullible little shits that always go to them to get ourselves cheated. Fuck.

Anyway, I finally had my first experience of buying durians. 7 small durians for 8 bucks. Only 3 of them were good, the rest were as hard as fake erasers. Not too bad for a first timer. At least I was not conned much. Only a few bucks.

I can’t help but think that buying durians is very much like gambling. You dump your money to the durian peddler in hope to get back its worth with a good buy. The durian peddlers on the other hand, will solicit their fruits by all means necessary… and they will let you sample their best fruit as an assurance. But none of that can guarantee that you will get the best durian. Everything still lies at the tip of your own knife… and you can only tell after opening the fruit yourself, whether it’s a good buy or not.

Well, my colleague BigSnake claimed that one can actually tell if a durian is good by shaking its content and take a deep whiff of its smell. If you can feel something moving inside the durian when you shake it, that would mean… the flesh is hard. Probably not a good durian. But if it is all solid (nothing moves) when you shake the fruit, then it is likely that the durian is good - squishy and soft.

I’ve tried the suggested method that day, but it felt all the same to me. Maybe those nasty thorns distracted my observation. That’s why I resorted to the simplest and the most direct way - I asked the durian peddler - “Hey… are you sure your durians are good? Honest? Don’t fuck me ok? Or I will barf out all the bad durian from my mouth and return it to you for refund.”

“Trust me man… guarantee good one. I own the orchard myself… trust me…”

He only lived up to his words by 50%. But I was ok with that though… 8 bucks for 3 good durians is still acceptable… a good price to buy myself an experience. At least I can now proudly exclaim to everyone while holding my head up high - “I bought some durians before… and it was not too bad”