Archive for November, 2003

November 30, 2003

online gaming experience

*Disclaimer: Reader discretion is advised for the blog entry below. Consult your parents or your local magistrate if you are below 18

A friend asked me if I have ever played an ‘online game’ – and I told him ‘yeah’. The original ‘Diablo’.

If you can remember ‘Diablo’. I was a game that took the PC gaming world by storm and started the no brainer walk-and-slash frenzy over the course of few years. It was wildly popular and was, I believe, the game that first introduces free online gaming on its Battlenet servers. God knows how many hours I wasted loitering around the virtual dungeons in Battlenet, which could have been used to do something more useful, like live a life or something.

But there was one particular incident which still lives fresh in my memory till this day. It was a game of ‘Diablo’ with a couple of German chicks. I don’t quite remember how I stumbled into them but, I remember the game name they created – it was called ‘BitchSlut’.

Initially, it was just another usual game for me, you know, me minding my own business looking for monsters to kill. The German chicks were nowhere to be seen yet, but I could read the chat transcript between the girls while they were playing. I didn’t join in their chat because the topics weren’t exactly my kind of interest, but I still get to read whatever they were typing there.

It stayed that way for about the first 10 minutes, when the topic began to get saucy amongst them. The girls started to talk about their bust measurement. That distracted me for awhile… almost got my ass whooped by a lurking monster. I don’t quite remember how did they exactly discuss about their tits but, I remember myself remarking to them in the chat box – “Hey hey… there’s a guy in here. You might want to take your girly discussions offline.”

Instead of apologizing, one of them brazened out to me – “So what if you’re a guy? Not matured enough to take it?”.

It was a direct hit at my man ego. I mean, I was just trying to be nice and all. So, I decided to park my debonair personality aside, and join in their discussion. I went on to ask them – “why do you girls measure your titties in centimeters?” (as opposed to inches or cup sizes).

One of the girls answered – “it is common in Germany to measure them in centimeters” (I am not sure if they are shitting me).

Me – “the people here uses inches and cup sizes. inches for your entire chest include your back, and cup sizes for solely your tits. we don’t generally use centimeters”.

My explanation drew a few oohs and ahhs from the 2 German girls… which I have to admit, kinda weird since they should have known this better than me. (or they’re probably fucking with me.)

Seeing that these girls are actually listening, I took the subject further. I attempted to introduce them a new way to measure the size of their boobies. – “In my country, there is a more popular alternate way to measure busts. We measure them with hands. How many hands does it take to hold up one tit. If it’s big, it might require more than 1 hands to hold it up. If it’s small, it will easily take less than 1 hand. So, the measurement goes like 1/2 hand, 1 hand, 2 hands (big) or even 3 hands (humongous). It’s much easier to imagine with hands comparing to cm or inches. And you don’t need a measuring tape or tool to do it.”

As I was about to quip even more made-up facts to them, I was kicked out from the game. Without knowing why. I thought we were all having an enjoyable view-exchange session but, those girls can never maintain an open mind to complete it. Fucking German girls.

But that did not bother me a bit. I joined another game and continued to have my own fun whacking monsters/undeads. ‘Diablo’ was the only game I ever played online.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off

evil me

Ooh.. the kids finally gone home after messing my place up for the past 2 days. I can finally switch on my PC like I used to… without having to worry about them nosing here and there.

I used to love kids… you know… I loved to play with them. I would talk to them from day till night and I was always so happy to see them around. But that was when I was a kid myself ler…

Thinking about how my nieces and nephews behaved, I have to admit that they are actually waaayyy better than me when I was a kid. But like any other human beings, I have changed. Into a finicky perfectionist. I expect everything in my life to be as close to perfect as possible.

And I expect kids to behave. And since I designed the apartment myself, I kinda developed an indescribable love for my work. I set have strict ground rules to follow to keep the place clean – eg: no food within 5 meter radius from my sofa, permanent ban on kids who fail to comply the rules. Things like that.

I just do not know why it has to be like this. I don’t know how to take things easy when it comes to tolerating kids. I know I should have just cut them some slack and let them have their fun. But no. I couldn’t seem to be able to do that. I can imagine how the kids dread the very sight of me.

But then strange enough, none of the kids are actually scared of me. In fact, they love and admire me. Things would have been easier if they hate me because, they would have resented coming to visit me in the first place… and I’d get less chance of seeing them. But things doesn’t always seem to go the way I want it to be… so…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
November 29, 2003

belching hell

Before I headed out for a karaoke function with my colleagues today, I had a few fruits of durians. That proved to be a big mistake, as when I reached the karaoke joint, my stomach was literally full of gas, and I was suppressing myself hard not to belch or fart during the function.

But there was only so much my physical self can hold, and during one part of the function, some gas actually leaked out from my mouth. I bet many of you know how bad does a durian belch smells. Not wanting to embarrass myself, I tried to release the gas out from my mouth little by little, some through my nostrils and some through the corner of my mouth – in hope that a small quantity of it would disperse quick enough for anyone to notice. But it didn’t work. The durian belch odor immediately filled the room, and my colleagues were all caught by surprise. Some took a frantic dash out of the room and some covered their nose with serviettes or whatever they could grab.

I thought I was in trouble, and was ready to face the flak from the irated bunch… but then, somebody from the group raise up a hand and apologized. It was Lily. She told everyone that she had some durians before attending the function, and that she could have burped without knowing it. Before I could even take the time to check my conscience to own up the crime, Lily was cast out by the rest of the members to clean up her stinking mouth and purge all her gas before returning to the room… Poor Lily.

Well, I didn’t give much thought about it after that and moved on… until now…

Lily… if you are reading this, I’m sorry. I was the one who belched hell inside the karaoke room. Please forgive me.

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off

Jit

Last night, I went out for a drink with my friend Charles. And in one of trivial conversation, we kind of mentioned about a friend named Jit. Jit is an old friend of mine, but Charles happened to get acquainted with him only fairly recently.

This Jit, he was in the same school bus as I was and that was how I knew him. Used to be a cute little chubby kid. I remember he was just a 7 year old when came riding with the bus. He had a vast forehead and a set of beady eyes. Always with a smile. He also had a falsetto voice and the guys would tease him for having such a pussy voice (you know kids can be cruel)

And because he had such a mushy and mama’s boy character, most of us would bully him. We would pinch his fat cheeks and mess up with his neatly combed hair. You know, stuff like that. But because he was such a bubbly kid, he wouldn’t give a damn about our mischiefs and would normally shrug it off with a cute smile. But there were times when he gets mad.

I remember when he gets mad, he would deliberately blush up his face (probably by holding his breath or something) and violently shake his boy tits, as if he was at the verge of imploding, and then he’d growl and say some shit funny things like “Don’t make me angry!… or I will turn into a werewolf!”

I guess he learned that from some stupid TV program. We’d normally feign ourselves being real scared and when he was content that his acts were drawing him some intended results, we’d smack his head, mess up his hair again and beckon for him to turn into a fucking wolf.

But of course, he couldn’t. He’d continue to issue more threats and if we don’t stop, he’d turn apeshit and start to assault anyone nears him. I saw him did that many times before. He’d close his eyes and spin his hands like vertical propeller. Those who weren’t quite enough to pull a distance off him would get smacked by Jit’s swinging hands. I had seen kids twice his size getting mowed down just like that. It was needless to say, far more dangerous than a real feral wolf.

The only solution to neutralize that blind propeller hands stance was to give him a kick square on the chest with your body stretched back. That would usually send him flying backwards and had him land on the floor hard. Then you can choose to pin him down and slap that guy till he no longer believes that he’s a wolf…

And if you manage to do that, he will never mess with you again. But his propeller hands had always been the most feared body weapon against even kids twice his age. One of the kids that always got a boner from Jit’s propeller hands was a kid named Ray. Ray was very much smaller than Jit, but what he lacked in size, made up for his intelligence… (and that’s why he was with us seniors to pull some mischief on Jit)

There was once, 3 of us (me being the leader) played truant during our school’s sports day event and walked home. But halfway through the journey, Jit decided to give up walking and flagged a bus home. And in the event of doing so, he told everything about our plans to the bus driver and almost got us into trouble (we had to hide and only flee later). Since that day, Ray and I called him ‘traitor’ and increased the frequency of harassment on him.

Good times… and that was many years ago. Jit would remain as one of our closest friend and an equally good wrestling dummy. (but in the later years, after I quit the school bus, we kinda separated our ways…)

About a year ago, while on our way to vacation at Thailand, Charles wanted to introduce me to a friend of his that resides in the area, also named Jit. When Charles told me that he was a Malaysian, came from the same secondary school as we were and was 4 years our junior, I was pretty sure that it was him. But I wasn’t quite sure because for one, the place was foreign, and then, I haven’t met Jit for about 13 years. I only managed to confirm that it was him when I finally got to meet him…

It was indeed him. With the round face (though not chubby anymore) and the same bubbly character. Same set of beady eyes. But he looked completely different from the werewolf kid we used to tease. He now has tattoos all over his hands and is now sporting a real man’s voice. He wasn’t as faggoty as he used to be as a kid…

At first, he could not recognize me. But when I told him about our school bus number and my name, it all finally came back to him… and then we gave each other a firm handshake and renewed our friendship again that night with plenty of drinks. It was like a great reunion with a very old friend.

michaelooi  | characters  | Comments Off
November 28, 2003

keywords

I didn’t go to work today. I had an upset stomach for drinking too much ‘lassi’ last night. If you do not know what’s a ‘lassi’, it is basically yoghurt blended with milk (Indian origin, hence the name).

So, I had been purging myself stupid real hard since yesterday, and currently is so debilitated and lethargic.

Anyway, since I had too much time at hands today (when not shitting slime inside the toilet), I took some time to check out my Nedstat, and found some bizarre shit — the keywords people used in search engines that stumbled into my blog! Here is the list in alphabetical order :

1) aaron kwok’s career – what the fuck? Aaron Kwok’s career? Well, the Aaron Kwok mentioned in my blog here is a stinking asshole. His career? A nobody and a consummate pervert.

2) aaron kwok’s weight – his weight? he weights differently in different environments. If there are girls around, he’d be weightless because he is such a fucking pervert.

3) body disatisfaction in young girls – this is so fucking bizarre. Dear searcher… allow me to enlighten you – young girls always have problems with their butts and boobs… no matter how good they are.

4) burp loudly extremely – why do one need to search such information? What about farts?

5) convince that food preservatives have benefits – they do. they let you make your food last longer. Duh.

6) download “aaron kwok” “shake it” – shake what? These people need to be more specific with their search terms, else, they’re gonna end up in sites like mine. Dolt.

7) film horror gore burp – film (check), horror (check), gore (check), burp (WTF???).

8) girlfriends of Aaron Kwok – aaron kwok’s girlfriend is a slut. Trust me. I’ve met her before.

9) niobe’s hairstyle – nabeh’s hairstyle = a new kind of insult commonly adopted by Singaporeans.

10) no condom blog – I didn’t know blogs are suppose to come with condoms…

11) photos of bullimic patients – search for ‘Kate Moss’, you’d find what you’re looking for.

12) putu mayam manufacturer in singapore – ‘manufacturer’… must be some big ass company doing something important…

13) putu mayam recipe – flour, brown sugar, dried coconut pulps and a hungry stomach.

14) singapore bitchy slut blog – It’s not that hard to spot one, is it?

15) stinked alcohol – alcohol itself doesn’t stink. Heck, they even use alcohol in perfumes. Get some education.

Kind of gives you an idea if our society’s making the best use of the internet, eh?

michaelooi  | nonsense  | Comments Off