*Disclaimer: Reader’s discretion is adviced for the blog entry below. Owner of this blog will not be responsible for any concussion, brain damage or mental disturbances resulted from reading the content. Consult your parents or your local magistrate if you are below 18

On Friday night, when I was chatting with Charles, we came across a topic about online gaming. Charles’ friend asked me (yep, there’s another dude with us that night) - what game am I playing right now ? I told him I just finished WC3-The Frozen Throne.

The dude, then told me that he fancies online gaming. The word “online gaming” reminded me a very bizarre experience that I had many years ago. [which I told him on the spot]. It goes like this :

Remember Diablo ? That was the first (and only) games that I’ve ever played online. Diablo was a very influential game - it revolutionized the entire gaming world. We saw the introduction of direct x … which rendered lots of graphic cards useless, and also made a very significant increment in demand for mouse.

It was very popular. It’s easy to play, and it’s graphics were awesome. And best of all, it’s online Battlenet was freeeeee. One can link up to it’s server and play Diablo with gamers all over the world. It’s something that’s very new to most gamers and it’s a kinda like a trend to play Diablo online (back then).

There’s once, I joined a game created by some German chick. The title of the game was BitchSlut .. or something like that. And once inside, I can see that there were already 2 other players inside. And I can tell that they are all close friends from the way they chat. *Note : If you have some experience with Diablo, you should also know that there’s a chat function inside the game. The chat console can be viewed by all, which means, I can see every detail of any person’s chat inside the game.

So, without hesitating, I went into the first level to start the action … but no signs of other players. I can only see them chat. Rather than joining them chatting, I was busy walloping monsters and undead.

Well, their chat topics were quite common - where had they been, who had they been chatting with, game experiences, … u know,… topics that were actually more boring than listening to PM’s national day speech.

Then suddenly, they began to chat about something more “personal”. Something about the measurement of their busts. Oooh… that distracted me for awhile … almost got my character killed by monsters. I was dumbfounded. Never expected to hear something like this in an online game like Diablo.

I then messaged out to the 2 German chicks “Hey hey … there’s a guy in here. You might want to do your discussion about bust measurement offline.” To which .. they replied “So what if you’re a guy ? Not matured enough to take it ?”. I felt intellectually challenged by that kind of respond cum taunt, and decided to forgo my game to get dirty a bit.

I parked my character in a safe area, and started by asking them, why they measured their busts in cm (as the standard metric used to measure busts are usually in inches and cup sizes). They told me it’s quite common in Germany (and I’m not sure if they are blowing me). Then, I decided to get funny a lil’ bit.

At first, I explained to them about the standard metrics - inches and cups sizes. I get responds like oooh and aahh … which sounded like neanderthal cave-hags that just discovered the use of fire. It was quite a wacky experience (but fun) having to explain that to a bunch of girls (who should have known better).

Having so much fun being a prophet to a couple of spastic German girls, I took the subject even further. I introduced them a new metric to measure busts (which I made up myself).

I told them that in my country (don’t worry, I didn’t tell them which country I’m from), we measure boobs with hands. How many hands does it take to hold up one boob. If it’s big, it might require more than 1 hands to hold it up. If it’s small, it will easily take less than 1 hand. So, the measurement goes like 1/2 hand, 1 hand, 2 hands (this is big) or even 3 hands (monstrous size). It’s much more easier to imagine “hands” comparing to cm or inches. And you don’t need a measuring tape or tool to measure.

Of course when we say “hand”, we don’t use Shaquille O’Neal’s hand as a standard. The size of his hands would be out of this world and ridiculous to measure. Other than basketball players’ hands, there shouldn’t be any significant hand-size differences among us humans (those few cm/inches difference won’t make a big impact on your boob size anyway).

As I was about to quip even more made-up facts to them, I was kicked out from the game. Without knowing why. I thought we were all having an enjoyable view-exchange session but, those girls can never maintain an open mind to complete it. Girls.

But that did not bother me a bit. I joined in another game and continued to have my own fun whacking monsters/undeads. Diablo was the only game I ever played online.

Lesson learnt: Never play online games with German girls.

Ooh.. the kids finally gone back after messing up my place for 2 days. Finally, I can power up my PC like I used to … without having to worry about them nosing here and there.

I used to love kids … u know … I love to play with them. I will talk with them from day till night and the sight of them always makes me jumping with joy. But that time, I was a kid myself ler …

Thinking back on how they behaved, they are waaayyy better than myself when I was a kid. But, just like any other human being, I had changed. Into a monster perfectionist. I expect everything that happen in my life to be as close to perfect as possible. I begin to develop my own set of requirements and particularity.

I expect kids to behave. And since I custom-designed my own apartment, I had developed an uncanny love for my work. I set some ridiculous rules to control my place’s hygiene - eg: no eating within 5 meter radius from my sofa. I get over-reacted over small matters - eg: permanent ban on kids that failed to comply my rules. Things like that.

I just don’t know why it had to be like this. I don’t know how to learn to relax about them messing up my place. I mean, I could have just shrug it off and let them have their fun. I can imagine how the kids dread the very sight of me.

But funny enough, none of the kids are actually scared of me. In fact, they loved and admired me. And that is one hell of a wonder. *scratch head.

Today, when I was about to go out for a karaoke function with my colleagues, my mom popped me a very good durian. And one is enough, to bloat my stomach with durian gas. I was already supressing my belch on the way to that function.

Once I’m inside the karaoke room, I can’t contain the gas anymore. I had to belch with my mouth closed and slowly leak the gas out through my nostrils … hoping it will not be so apparent and recedes faster. And the smell was flabbergasting … oooh… my god. But surprisingly, nobody complained.

Thinking that my method works, I continued to do the same - belch with my mouth closed and leak it out through my nostrils. It was a way to release the impending gas and a comforting solution. No issue for the first 1 hour or so.

It was then, someone complained about some stale durian smell. I thought they caught me doing the belch thingy. I was ready to bail the room when I heard someone from the back admitting that she had taken durian earlier today. It was Lily. But she told the group that she didn’t burped at all inside the room. Without trial, she was then cast out by the rest of the members to clean up her mouth and release all her gas before coming into the room. Poor Lily.

Heheh … luck is truly on my side this time. I then told the group to assure my safety even further “I smelled durian too. Never thought it could be Lily. That scumlady….”

Lily … if you are reading my blog somewhere, I’m sorry. I am the one who burped inside the karaoke room. X-P

Ooh.. I got to blog this out fast before those trolls come back to watch more cartoons…(expect a lot of typo and grammatical errors)

Last night, went out for a drink with charles to catch up our directorship. And in one of our chat topics, we came across a friend’s name - Ah Jit. We’re talking about Jit’s well being and how he’s doing now.

Jit used to be a cute fat little kid. He was just 7 years old when he joined our school bus fellowship of the ring (looorrrdd of the riiinnggs). He had a very vast area of forehead and a set of beady eyes. His smile could melt any heart. He also had a very soft falsetto voice and seriously, if u listen to him on the phone, you might think it could be some clown playing prank on you.

As mischievous as me and my school bus buddies could be, we would pinch Jit on his flabby face and mess with his neatly combed hair. Usually, he wouldn’t give a damn about us (coz we were 4 years his senior) and shrug it off with a cute smile. But sometimes, he does get mad.

And when he gets mad, he would make his face red and his whole body quiver, as if pressure is building up inside his body … and he would give us a warning with his unusually stern pondan voice “Don’t make me angry !…or I will turn into a werewolf…” Obviously, he watched too much TV. Of course we would continue to harass him, to experiment if he could really turn himself into somekind of faux werewolf (hey, that would be cool to see someone acting like a lunatic wolf inside a schoolbus)

Of course he did not turn into werewolf. But he would really get mad and start to turn violent. He will close his set of beady eyes and swing his hands in fast motion like a ferris wheel / propeller to charge at us. Getting near him will prove to be suicidal and you will have a lot of smack prints on your face or body. And it hurts.

The only solution is to give him a kick with your body stretched back (to stay away from the propelling hands). This will usually send him flying horizontally to the opposite direction and land a loud thud on the school bus plank-floor. If he still doesn’t cool himself down already, one might need to pin him down and slap/punch/[insert your favourite hurt stance] repeatedly until he turns back into human.

And he will never mess with you again. But his propeller hands always proved to be a lethal weapon against kids at his age. One of the kids that always suffered was a guy named Rayban. (Remember the daughter of dinosaur that I used to work on ? this is her brother).

There’s once, 3 of us (yeah, me being a leader) sworn to ponteng a sports day event at school and walk home. But halfway through, Jit couldn’t continue to carry his own fat-ass weight and took a bus home. Ever since that day, me and Rayban called him a “traitor” and despised him for quite a long time.

But that was just one of the kids’ way of having a great time. Of course Jit remained as one of our close friends and our good wrestling target.

About a year ago, charles attempted to intro me a friend who also apparently, named Jit. When charles told me that he’s from our same school and his age difference, I became pretty sure that it was him. I have not met Jit for 13 years that time. We hopped into Jit’s little kancil (a small malaysian car) when charles made us shake hands to intro ourselves.

And when he turned his head to greet me, there’s Jit. With the same cute and affectionate smile. Same set of beady eyes. But he’s not as fat as he used to be. He developed a sharp face and had been working out. He got tattoos all over his hands and his voice wasn’t as feminine as before. He looked more like a young sorceror than a cute werewolf kid.

He could not recognize me. But when I told him about the school bus number and my name, he regained his memory about the great experience we had together inside and outside the schoolbus. We gave each other a hug and renewed our friendship inside a club that night. It was a great rendezvous with a very old friend.

I didn’t go to work today. I had an upset stomach for drinking too much “lassi”. Lassi is actually an indian invented drink where they mix yoghurt with milk and blend it into a drink (at least I was made to believe that… correct me if I’m wrong).

So, I had been blasting my toilet real hard since yesterday, and I’m exhausted.

Nothing to do at home, I started to checkout my Nedstat, and found some funny shits — the keywords that people used on search engines to stumble into my blog ! Here’s the list in alphabetical order :

1) aaron kwok’s career - what the fuck ? searching for aaron kwok’s career in english ? well, the aaron kwok in my site is a stinko bastard. You know what he work as ? A pervert.

2) aaron kwok’s weight - his weight ? he weighted differently in different environments. More girls, less gravity effect on him.

3) body disatisfaction in young girls - hahah … this is so freaking funny. Let me enlighten you… young girls always have problems with their butts and boobs. Sometimes, they even have problems with their brain.

4) burp loudly extremely - why do one need to search such information ? Searching for a wave file of burp samples ? how bout farts ?

5) convince that food preservatives have benefits - they do. they let you keep your food longer. Period.

6) download “aaron kwok” “shake it” - shake what ? you got to be specific with search engines, else, you will end up in sites like mine. Dolt.

7) film horror gore burp - film (check), horror (check), gore (check), burp (WTF???). you are confusing the search engine, dear.

girlfriends of Aaron Kwok - aaron kwok’s girlfriend is a slut. Trust me. I met her before.

9) niobe’s hairstyle - niobe’s hairstyle = bob marley’s hair cut short.

10) no condom blog - hahah.. no condom blog. Is there such thing as blog with condom ?

11) photos of bullimic patients - some very sick bastard.

12) putu mayam manufacturer in singapore - are you planning to buy the share of their listed company ?

13) putu mayam recipe - flour, brown sugar, dried coconut pulps and a hungry stomach.

14) singapore bitchy slut blog - ooooo… go to mohammed sultan … it’s not hard to find one there. And ask them if they blogged.

15) stinked alcohol - alcohol itself doesn’t stink. Heck, they even use alcohol in perfumes. Get some education.

When one questions about the benefits of internet, the keywords above sure will shed some lights on what kind of knowledge that are favourable by our modern society.