picnic with pondan

More of my juvenile days (long entry):

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I was only 16 at the time of the event.

I was having a game of soccer with the BODs, when out of the blues, someone suggested to go for a soak at a waterfall. Since everyone thought that it was a marvelous idea, we decided to go ahead with the plan, to do it at a remote waterfall place that we knew.

It was scheduled 24 hours from the time the suggestion was made, therefore, we had very little time to plan for anything. We wanted to have some barbecue there, so we appointed Ayamas to buy 60pcs of chicken wings and had him plead his grandmother to marinate them all for us. And then there were some impromptu stuff as well, all done within a couple hours.

The plan was set. Everyone gathered at Ayamas’ home the next morning. The total headcount was about 16 - all within the same age range, except Ayamas’ uncle, which I’ll refer him as Nick - he was in his early 30’s and he had the prerequisite of being crazy that made him seem alright to our group. (actually, he even surpassed the crazy limit which the society would consider as normal…). And when everything was alright, we set off to our destination in a convoy of 5 - 6 motorcycles and one car.

The waterfall was located at a somewhere near a tourist destination in Penang, but the exact site that we were heading was a little bit uphill from there. It requires a short hike up but, the good thing was, the water was cleaner there - since we were almost at the source.

Anyway, it only took us 5 minutes’ hike to reach the spot. The place was big and our group was the only one there. We then set up a nice fire and started to the barbecue right away. And then the soaking. It was simply out of this world. (the waterfall has since gone, the place was flooded to make way for a dam)

Halfway through the barbecue, Nick suddenly did something unimaginable. He stripped himself naked and jumped into the water. I mean, this is not something common in our country - skinny dipping in the public is considered a crime. But then, since there were only us guys there, it didn’t really matter anyway. It was awkward at first but, after some time, we all got used to his crazy antics. We all had a blast there swimming and running around like overgrown kids. The place was nice and clean - and we had it all by ourselves.

There were a few times while we’re swimming in the water, Nick threatened to pee from the top of the stream. “Who wants some Chinese tea?” he would jeer and laugh. And he would sometimes squat with his ass facing us from top of the fall - and started groaning as if he’s straining his shit out. Nick was the craziest dude I’ve ever met in my life.

Then suddenly, something unusual happened. We saw Nick going panic and dived into the water. He then frantically waddled through the pool up to the ground & quickly got himself dressed. As we’re about to ask him what was wrong, he pointed downstream from our location towards a group of people. We saw them but weren’t sure if they were males or females.

Well, it turned up to be neither both. They were a bunch of 3 ‘pondan’s (transvestites). Two of them were in their mid 50’s and the other in his 30’s who resembled Beavis in many ways (if you don’t know who is Beavis, shame on you. Go find the nearest toilet bowl, put your head into it and flush). When the queers saw us, they were like bubbling with joy. Pardon me but, I am an open minded person. A gay or homosexual dude won’t get me up from my seat (that’s because they usually look and behave like any regular guy) but a ‘pondan’, will make me squirm out of my skin.

Our activities were all put on hold, because we weren’t comfortable with the unexpected company. The 3 queers took over the place like they’re some kind of infectious parasites (although they were located a little further down the stream, about a good 30 meters away). Those queers were doing all sorts of weird stuff there, as we could see clearly from our location - they were washing each other’s ass, stroke each other’s wrinkled body, etc. It was a revolting sight.

Nick couldn’t stand them and he took a pee into the stream. Some of us followed suit and took a pee as well. As those ‘pondan’s were located downstream from us, they’d be bathing in the stuff that just came out from our bladder. But then, they were too busy with their gross activities to notice that we were blessing them with our ‘holy golden water’, and the thought of that made us all laughing out loud like we’re been gassed, which attracted the trio’s attention.

Nick, noticing that they’re looking at us, began to taunt the bunch of queers. “Hi girls… wanna fuck?”. That was an equivalent of a Jonestown mass suicide death mantra. The ‘pondan’s were duly aroused by Nick’s taunt. Then one of them shouted in retort “Come lah… guys… oh come please…”, and one of them flashed us his lardy ass and slapped his its cheek repeatedly. Almost got us black out from the over exposure of visual attack.

Then, one of the BODs (i’ve forgotten who) hurled a small pebble towards them. It didn’t struck any of the targets. Henry, who got extremely agitated, started to hurl profanities uncontrollably at the bunch of queers. But they were indifferent about it. They hurled back more disturbing taunts like “Oh come fuck me bebeh… I am waiting here for you…”

Nick, who was enjoying the whole experience, shouted back “Hey girls… why don’t you come up here and fuck us? We’ll all wait for you here…”. Well, thanks to Nick, the ‘pondan’s procrastinated no further and started to advance towards our direction. That was when we realize that we’re in DEEP pile of motherfuckingly serious shit. It took us only a millisecond to react - we grabbed our things ready to flee while the others started hurling more pebbles, stones and leftover chicken bones towards the three advancing transvestites - to buy us enough time to bail a safe passage from the place.

You can imagine the whole situation like Sam Raimi’s movie Evil Dead, you know… Bruce Campbell on rampage shooting at the advancing undead army to buy time for his friends to escape. Only that our villains were much more horrifying than the undeads. Luckily, unlike Bruce’s fate in the movie, we managed to bail out on time alright.

As we were running towards our vehicles, Henry continued to hurl profanities at the 3 ‘pondan’s. He was lucky that he didn’t trip on any tree roots just like in those horror movies - that was because we were all running so fast that it would be impossible for us to take notice of anyone falling. It would be difficult to imagine what would become of anyone who was left behind with these 3 dick-hungry swishy faggots. Once we got to our vehicles, we fled the place without looking back.

Now who would have thought that a fun filled day would suddenly turn into a tragic outing like this? Well, the lesson learned was, always plan your outing earlier. Never do it at the last minute. If we were to have more time to plan the picnic out, we would have brought a few mean dogs along. Shackle them up at a safe distance to ward off intruders - and our picnic would have been undisturbed.