While I was out for lunch with the guys today, Eric saw a couple of dogs mating by the road side and made this remark:
“Well, how nice it is to be a dog. If you saw any bitch you like, you can just go ahead to mount & hump it indiscriminately without worrying anything about responsibility. See bitch, hump bitch. So simple. Definitely better than being a human. Fuck.”
We almost choked ourselves into comatose from laughing.
Apparently, he has been facing this trouble with a female colleague, whom he had admired for quite sometime – we’ll call her Peg (a good looker in her early 30′s). But this is only known amongst his ring of lunch buddies.
It appears that recently, there has been a negative development between Eric and the chick. Eric somehow noticed that every time he went near Peg, she would immediately distant herself from Eric – as if she knows about Eric having wet fantasies about her. He was like, a walking chick repellent – chicks would dive for cover with him in proximity. He walks near, she disappears, you get the idea.
And this, has made Eric a very distraught man. At some point, he even got to the state of asking everyone if we had said anything bad about him to Peg. Needless to say, none of us did. She must have learned about it through some other medium. Probably from Eric’s lewdy body language itself. You know, he has this really kinky way of scanning female bodies, as if he is trying to mentally rape the subject with his super x-ray vision. So, it isn’t hard for anyone to suspect. Especially Peg. He must have too carried away at one time (drooling) until his disguise gave way and scared the shit out of Peg. He’s probably in Peg’s ‘pervert-to-lookout’ list by now and the alert shared amongst her female colleagues…
Poor Eric.
And that’s why he took on the canine free sex practice. It was not a homage to the dogs. It was a disguised lamentation about his unfortunate fate. I was about to tell him that dogs lick their own balls and anus… but I guess I should leave the poor man alone. I shouldn’t rub salt on his already wounded self esteem. :P