Today, a Penang dude had sworn in as the fifth Prime Minister of Malaysia. Some people said that we have a new PM. Actually, the PM is still the same - it’s just that a different person is taking over the post now.

If Dr.M is a wise person as claimed by many in the society, then we should even be more confident with his choice of choosing Badawi as his successor. There should be no bias or differences in support to the new guy who is your PM now.

Ok… i should put political topics aside for the boring guys to comment.

Today, is also Halloween. The Christian version of Ching Ming Festival. In Chinese’s Ching Ming, we don’t have costume party or trick-n-treating. And we don’t have Shannon Elizabeth movies during this period either.

If someone were to wear spooky costumes and going around asking for candies during Ching Ming, that guy probably will be stomped to death by angry husbands/fathers for scaring their wives/kids. And Shannon Elizabeth movies will definitely be banned by our country’s retarded censorship boards.

I can say, that Ching Ming festival is not as interesting as Halloween. It was not even recognized as a holiday. It was celebrated in a more serious way, u know, burning effigies, paper wealths and sorts for the dead. The festival was meant for honouring the dead to bless the living.

During this period, parents will prohibit their kids from going swimming or late night outing - in fear of the dead might mistaken them as sacrifices. Sort of like a quarantine period, where we will need to watch for our attitude. So, during Ching Ming festival, I will have to stay at home most of the time. No, not because my mom prohibits me from going out, but it’s because, she is too scared to stay at home alone by herself. *Shrugs*

So, what will I choose to be if I get a chance to attend a Halloween costume party ? Obviously, Batman. Batman is rich, and he is gorgeous. His enemies are clowns and short guys — and coincidentally, I don’t really like clowns and short-guys. Hence, if i saw someone dressed up as a clown and he is short, it will be justifiable for me to bash him up for good. Hahah …

He is spooky too. For a superhero. Imagine a lady walking in a dark alley .. and suddenly, Batman jumps out of nowhere. Will scare the shit out of her. His costume is wicked.

But I’ll have to think of other problems if I were to wear a Batman costume. It will be difficult for me to turn my head as the head-piece connects to the neck like Formula 1 HANS device (if u don’t know what is a HANS device, shame on you. Go find a nearest toilet bowl, put your head into it, and FLUSH).

And probably, the cape will be troublesome if it’s too long like in the movies. It might stuck on to some vehicle when I’m crossing the road. Then people will be seeing Batman getting dragged all over the town and probably be ridiculed by the ambulance workers while on the way to a hospital X-P

Well, one thing at a time. Let’s just hope, I’ll get to attend a costume party first … then I’ll start worry about all those …

I did not go to work today. Had some business with EPF. I hate EPF, but I have no choice but to deal with it. Each time I go to the EPF office, I’ll cuss till my throat sores because they annoy me a lot.

They are slow, stupid and seriously understaffed. Their systems are screwed up and their procedures are ridiculously tedious. Some of their staffs are rude and some stinks like a belacan.

Yep, that’s right, belacan. For malaysians, they know how a belacan smells like. For foreigner, this shrimp cake smelled something like an unwashed private part –> i learnt this through a very sick joke (which I’ll share some other time).

That’s what I encountered today. Went to the counter, and the place reeks of foul belacan stench. I have no fucking idea why would there be a belacan smell in the office. I was particularly upset about it. I suspected the EPF teller lady - she doesn’t look like a person that practices proper hygiene to me..

Since I was stuck there, I just hoped that we would finish our dealings as soon as possible. The smell probably might cause my shirt to turn yellow or something.

It was then, I encountered a double bummer. There was this bloke, who was summoned to the next counter, launched a second wave of malodor attack. He got this armpit odour emanating from his body, u know, something like the smell of a cockroach. Eeekkk ! — those are the smells that wiped out the dinosaurs ! (REAL dinosaurs .. not housewives).

So, it was a north + west odour attack - I was seriously fucked. I was stuck in the middle of a belligerence of aromatherapy - a competition of who is the stinkiest. Those guys can beat a decomposing carcass anytime.

Imagine this - if I have a dog’s nose .. a few hundred times more sensitive than a human … I probably would have knocked out cold by the multi-odour attack.

What the hell is wrong with these people ? Don’t they know about something that called deodorant or anti-perspirant stick ? Well, at least that could solve the problem of Mr Cockroach .. but then, I still have no idea where did the belacan smell came from.
Could be the feet, or maybe the breath of that EPF teller lady. But the most likely part would be her hair, coz it looked very slicky. Slick to produce enough oil to light a lamp. Geez.

I have to hold my breath most of the time during the entire ordeal. Once done, I fled the place without delay. Glad to make it out alive.

More of my juvenile days (long entry):

+++++++++++++

I was only 16 at the time of the event.

I was having a game of soccer with the BODs, when out of the blues, someone suggested to go for a soak at a waterfall. Since everyone thought that it was a marvelous idea, we decided to go ahead with the plan, to do it at a remote waterfall place that we knew.

It was scheduled 24 hours from the time the suggestion was made, therefore, we had very little time to plan for anything. We wanted to have some barbecue there, so we appointed Ayamas to buy 60pcs of chicken wings and had him plead his grandmother to marinate them all for us. And then there were some impromptu stuff as well, all done within a couple hours.

The plan was set. Everyone gathered at Ayamas’ home the next morning. The total headcount was about 16 - all within the same age range, except Ayamas’ uncle, which I’ll refer him as Nick - he was in his early 30’s and he had the prerequisite of being crazy that made him seem alright to our group. (actually, he even surpassed the crazy limit which the society would consider as normal…). And when everything was alright, we set off to our destination in a convoy of 5 - 6 motorcycles and one car.

The waterfall was located at a somewhere near a tourist destination in Penang, but the exact site that we were heading was a little bit uphill from there. It requires a short hike up but, the good thing was, the water was cleaner there - since we were almost at the source.

Anyway, it only took us 5 minutes’ hike to reach the spot. The place was big and our group was the only one there. We then set up a nice fire and started to the barbecue right away. And then the soaking. It was simply out of this world. (the waterfall has since gone, the place was flooded to make way for a dam)

Halfway through the barbecue, Nick suddenly did something unimaginable. He stripped himself naked and jumped into the water. I mean, this is not something common in our country - skinny dipping in the public is considered a crime. But then, since there were only us guys there, it didn’t really matter anyway. It was awkward at first but, after some time, we all got used to his crazy antics. We all had a blast there swimming and running around like overgrown kids. The place was nice and clean - and we had it all by ourselves.

There were a few times while we’re swimming in the water, Nick threatened to pee from the top of the stream. “Who wants some Chinese tea?” he would jeer and laugh. And he would sometimes squat with his ass facing us from top of the fall - and started groaning as if he’s straining his shit out. Nick was the craziest dude I’ve ever met in my life.

Then suddenly, something unusual happened. We saw Nick going panic and dived into the water. He then frantically waddled through the pool up to the ground & quickly got himself dressed. As we’re about to ask him what was wrong, he pointed downstream from our location towards a group of people. We saw them but weren’t sure if they were males or females.

Well, it turned up to be neither both. They were a bunch of 3 ‘pondan’s (transvestites). Two of them were in their mid 50’s and the other in his 30’s who resembled Beavis in many ways (if you don’t know who is Beavis, shame on you. Go find the nearest toilet bowl, put your head into it and flush). When the queers saw us, they were like bubbling with joy. Pardon me but, I am an open minded person. A gay or homosexual dude won’t get me up from my seat (that’s because they usually look and behave like any regular guy) but a ‘pondan’, will make me squirm out of my skin.

Our activities were all put on hold, because we weren’t comfortable with the unexpected company. The 3 queers took over the place like they’re some kind of infectious parasites (although they were located a little further down the stream, about a good 30 meters away). Those queers were doing all sorts of weird stuff there, as we could see clearly from our location - they were washing each other’s ass, stroke each other’s wrinkled body, etc. It was a revolting sight.

Nick couldn’t stand them and he took a pee into the stream. Some of us followed suit and took a pee as well. As those ‘pondan’s were located downstream from us, they’d be bathing in the stuff that just came out from our bladder. But then, they were too busy with their gross activities to notice that we were blessing them with our ‘holy golden water’, and the thought of that made us all laughing out loud like we’re been gassed, which attracted the trio’s attention.

Nick, noticing that they’re looking at us, began to taunt the bunch of queers. “Hi girls… wanna fuck?”. That was an equivalent of a Jonestown mass suicide death mantra. The ‘pondan’s were duly aroused by Nick’s taunt. Then one of them shouted in retort “Come lah… guys… oh come please…”, and one of them flashed us his lardy ass and slapped his its cheek repeatedly. Almost got us black out from the over exposure of visual attack.

Then, one of the BODs (i’ve forgotten who) hurled a small pebble towards them. It didn’t struck any of the targets. Henry, who got extremely agitated, started to hurl profanities uncontrollably at the bunch of queers. But they were indifferent about it. They hurled back more disturbing taunts like “Oh come fuck me bebeh… I am waiting here for you…”

Nick, who was enjoying the whole experience, shouted back “Hey girls… why don’t you come up here and fuck us? We’ll all wait for you here…”. Well, thanks to Nick, the ‘pondan’s procrastinated no further and started to advance towards our direction. That was when we realize that we’re in DEEP pile of motherfuckingly serious shit. It took us only a millisecond to react - we grabbed our things ready to flee while the others started hurling more pebbles, stones and leftover chicken bones towards the three advancing transvestites - to buy us enough time to bail a safe passage from the place.

You can imagine the whole situation like Sam Raimi’s movie Evil Dead, you know… Bruce Campbell on rampage shooting at the advancing undead army to buy time for his friends to escape. Only that our villains were much more horrifying than the undeads. Luckily, unlike Bruce’s fate in the movie, we managed to bail out on time alright.

As we were running towards our vehicles, Henry continued to hurl profanities at the 3 ‘pondan’s. He was lucky that he didn’t trip on any tree roots just like in those horror movies - that was because we were all running so fast that it would be impossible for us to take notice of anyone falling. It would be difficult to imagine what would become of anyone who was left behind with these 3 dick-hungry swishy faggots. Once we got to our vehicles, we fled the place without looking back.

Now who would have thought that a fun filled day would suddenly turn into a tragic outing like this? Well, the lesson learned was, always plan your outing earlier. Never do it at the last minute. If we were to have more time to plan the picnic out, we would have brought a few mean dogs along. Shackle them up at a safe distance to ward off intruders - and our picnic would have been undisturbed.

Man… what’s up with those hooligans who likes to modify their cars? Spoilers, skirtings, big rims, fins, holes, whatever - they looked like something came out from a junkyard.

I really can’t understand, why would anyone want to spend so much money on those craps. They may modify their cars to look like a Ferrari, Supra or any turbo charged vehicle, but everyone still knows well that they are all the same inside. It won’t go any faster with those modifications. Well, even if they DO have a turbo-charged engine… we still know that the mechanical design was not originally meant for that extra power. It’ll be akin to a suicide attempt. So, what’s the point anyway? Trying to tell the public that they’re stupid? I’m sure there are many ways to do that.

If you want to impress someone on the road, try to drive a real sportscar. Driving a cheap car with heavy modifications won’t make you cool / great. It won’t impress the general lot. Only those of your kind - stupid punks. To the general public, you’d look like an asshole trying to tell everyone that you’re stupid, ignorant and that you spent most of your time doing redundant thing stuff. Wake up.

The stupid Kancil incident I saw today, was a very good example of stupid people doing things that are beyond the logic sense. You see, our roads are full of pot holes and bumps, now why would anyone think of lowering their car and install a low skirting on it?

And then, there are some that has more lights than a Christmas tree. Colorful LEDs, headlamps, taillights, etc. I have seen some with blue lights interior lighting, which looked like a bug zapper being turned on whenever a door was being opened. What the fuck indeed.

But then, people might counter me that this is a free world. Everyone reserves the right to do anything they want. They can modify their cars into a garbage truck and still, it isn’t my business to mind what they did. Bla bla bla. I just have one thing to say to the owners of these ridiculous junks - you and your car sucks, and I won’t hesitate to vandalize your car whenever I have the opportunity. Mark my words.

While I was walking to my car at my workplace parking lot today (going home), I took notice of a young Malay lady in this ridiculously modified Kancil. The car had a big noisy muffler, probably big enough to fit a standard sized rat with its diameter. It also had some skirt works done, which was very low… just about a few inches off the ground. And then, there was this ridiculous spoiler - it was big… and it looked like a giant shoe rack at the rear of the car.

I was appalled by it. It was fucking hideous. But then, the lady seemed to think otherwise, because I could tell from her fucking smug expression that she’s enjoying the attention. She probably even stopped her car there to impress her friends, you know, in case they didn’t know that she has a crazy clown car like that. And just to ensure nobody missed the opportunity to notice her, she deliberately left her car engine running, so everybody who walked past would be wondering who the hell brought a fucking lawnmower to work.

I was walking past the junk when the bitch decided to spin her car. Probably excited with my presence, I don’t know, but, it was right on the moment when I was there, she wheel spun her junk towards a half foot curb. I don’t fucking know what happened but, that was what I saw. The girl must have tried to drift a corner or something but, it ended going up on the curb and then came crashing down hard.

Now, as I have described, her car had a low clearance skirting. And when her front wheel went down the curb, the middle part of the car skirt sort of landed on it, and then off it went a very loud noise - KRAAAAAAKKKKKKKK !!!! That was the sound of the skirt cracking. It was a sight to behold.

And when her car cleared the rough ride, her car’s broken skirt can be seen dangling in and out like a buffalo’s dick, it was completely ripped off. She came down to inspect the damage, but surprisingly, she didn’t react much. Probably was controlling herself not to look too stupid but, it could have been that she had encountered such boner too many times to be concerned about it. Whatever. Serves her right anyway.