Archive for September, 2003

September 23, 2003

bad hair day

I received news that Doug’s mom had passed away today. So, during lunch, we went to his late mom’s wake to pay the last respect. Doug was looking quite alright despite the sad event. I can tell that because once we arrived, he began to talk about his stories and adventures as usual – no signs of mourning. So, I reckoned that he must have gotten over the fact and had already moved on. May his mom rest in peace.

And during the visit to Doug’s place, I saw something very disturbing – an unshaved female armpit! Unplucked or unshaved, whatever it was, it sure looked was very revolting.
The subject was actually my colleague – which I would call her “AnnElle”. AnnElle is quite a nice lady and is in her early 30’s. She got big boobies and… nevermind… irrelevant topic.
So, this AnnElle came along with us to Doug’s place for his mom’s wake. Apparently, the place was quite hot and she had to take off her cardigan – and down to her sleeveless blouse. As she was fanning herself repeatedly due to the heat, I couldn’t help but noticed a dark patch of ‘something’ under her armpit. Curious, I indirectly tried to look closer to check out what the fuck that was… and then I fucking saw it – a patch of armpit hairs! Girls with armpit hairs are always a major turn off for me. It was absofuckinglutely disgusting. Uweerrghh !

When I was in China, I almost got shocked into coma. Girls in China DON’T SHAVE OR PLUCK THEIR ARMPIT HAIRS. In fact, they treat it like a fashion or something like that. One would grow armpit hairs for a few inches and then parade around showing off their pit hairs by swinging on bus rails wearing sleeveless garments. Uwekkk… I couldn’t enjoy my meals any worst than having them in China.

So, girls out there. Please, shave or clear your armpit at least once a week. Hairy armpits don’t attract men/boys/guys… they attract ticks. (Different issue with men, because men sweat a lot… and we know ticks don’t thrive very well in salty environment… ). Ticks suck blood… and eventually, your armpit will turn purple due to lack of blood. And by then, you would have no choice but to AMPUTATE YOUR ARMPIT. I’m not making this up. So please, shave your armpit.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
September 20, 2003


Friday Evening…
5.10pm – Left workplace, fetched Emily & headed home.

6.30pm – Charles arrived at my place. Brought me my RJ45 cables for my Streamyx connection. Now, I can temporary live on the cable instead of cracking my head to figure out that stupid wireless device.

6.40pm – Charles broke my expensive sofa. He literally broke it into half. I don’t know how he did that. Need to call the carpenter tomorrow.

8.30 pm – Met up with more friends at Anson Park for dinner.

10.30pm – 8 of us arrived at C-Front club. The club looks great. Just had a new renovation. Everything is blue and lots of attractive waitresses. We came to the right place.

11.40pm – All the BODs arrived. We are also joined by some other friend’s friends. Our group swells into an unbelievable crowd of over 20 heads, & started the drinking binge. We’re 50% through the bottle of brandy.

12.30am – We were 100% done on the brandy and started the first bottle of whiskey. There were only a few of us focusing on the drinking and talking nonsense. Saw a friend throwing up in the toilet.

1.30am – We were about to finish all our booze. 90% of us are already not legally sober to be able to drive.

1.35am – A guy tried to take advantage on some of our girls. I intimidated him by grabbing+forcing him to drink the purest form of booze available on our table. Saw the guy gasping + choking before running off into the dance floor. Never saw him again after that. The friend that puked, was permanently attached to the toilet bowl and was making lots of sharks fin soup.

2am – Somebody ordered 2 more bottles of booze. Considering the fact that everyone was so worked out, my friend Soon and I agreed that it would be impossible for us to finish the remaining 2 bottles. No fucking way.

3am – We finished all the booze. I was so pissed drunk, that I couldn’t find Emily who was standing in front of me. We all did a bonfire dance and I asked Ayamas if he wanted to swap partner. He told me I was drunk and he would swap if his girl agrees. I told him back that he was drunk.

4am – We left the place. Someone drove us to a porridge shop and miraculously, we met back the rest of the members there. Ate a bowl of teochew porridge and cracked plenty of dirty jokes. The girls weren’t impressed.

4.30am – Back home. Went to toilet to throw up.

4.31am – I told Emily, “Hey, I can see the teochew porridge I ate just now ! uwwekkkk….” She wasn’t impressed. It is hard to impress someone nowadays – I thought.

4.32am – “Emily ..look ! the dehydrated vegetables just came out ! omg .. this is so unbelievable !”

4.33am – The tofu I ate at the porridge shop came out. And it’s green in color.

5am onwards – Diarrhea… and my ass hurts till now.

Sure it was a wild night. I’m gonna have to take more rest today.

michaelooi  | rompings  | Comments Off
September 18, 2003

nothing to worry about

I finally got my streamyx broadband service activated yesterday after waiting for 3 weeks. Well, it’s a relief for me to know, that I do not have to use tmnet’s stupid dialup no more. Frankly speaking, half of my daily usage of foul vocabs was spent when I was dialing up to tmnet (the other half occurs when I am driving). That means, if everything are ok with my newly installed ADSL connection, I’m theoretically improving my moral values by reducing my cussing. : )

The installation & setup completed at about 8pm last night and then I went for dinner with Charles & Emily after that. Charles and I chatted away while Emily was busy with the succulent oyster omelet. We were too engrossed with our chat that we got carried away, and forgot to censor some of the topics. As a result, we accidentally spilled some beans, and my wife Emily overheard the topic about me picking up animal’s girlfriend (let’s call her… Pimples) a few years ago – which I had mistakenly thought she was somebody else.

Quite funny as I recalled, that Pimples actually took the bait, despite the fact that she recognized me and knew that I’m blur about her identity. This actually got Animal flustered about the whole incident and almost had a fight with her. Well, can’t blame me for that, after a few drinks plus her massive foundation cover up on her densely populated pimples, any blokes would have miscued about her identity that night. So, just imagine what kind of damage that alcohols & makeups can do to our judgment. I felt so thankful that there were no after effects from the mishaps that night – me / Animal smelled flowers and he is still screwing the same girl today.

This story triggered a big deal of interrogation from Emily … which I’ll have to install multiple patches to clear the blaster worm. It’s all ok now, because I’m good. eyahahahh… X P

The hurricane is making headlines all over the world today and it is bound to gobble up billions of dollars by destroying everything in it’s path. Now, aren’t we lucky to be Malaysians? No hurricanes, no volcanoes, no earthquakes …and no humsup pastors. The most we have here in our homeland are probably flash floods or landslides — those are still nothing when compared with something like Isabel. We’re lucky that we could buy a house of our own without having to worry about getting blown away by a 100mph wind … or getting burned down by a hot stream of lava.

That’s why, it still escapes me why do some people still want to cause troubles when we are already living in one of the best places on earth. Ironic, isn’t it?

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off
September 16, 2003

it doesn’t sound right

I was busy doing heaps of reports when my phone rang. It was my colleague Asstee on the line.

Asstee : “Hey mike… where are you now?”

Me : “I’m at my …. hey, wait a minute… you are calling my desk and you are asking where am I? Are you high on drugs or something?”

Asstee : “Ish .. Ish … ok ok … I screwed up. I don’t know why I asked you that.”

Me : “…”

Well, crazy shit like this happens all the time – we like to ask something silly (or are we under utilizing most of our brain? whatever). This is especially common in Malaysia / Singapore. In Cantonese, it’s called “fai-wa” (talking through your lungs – means to jabber some nonsense) Here are some of the examples I have actually encountered before :

– Location: Restaurant. Met a friend there. He asked me “coming out for lunch ?”
– Location: My lab. A colleague called the lab phone & asked “are you in the lab right now?”
– Location: Beach. My ex-gf asked me “Do you love me?” (that’s a classic)
– Location: Mamak stall. Friend ordered something “Milo panas bagi ais”

Something like that. Ask ourselves, how many times in a day do we hear something that doesn’t sound right at all?

Actually, Rob made the same boner yesterday as well. My entire department was attending a short presentation by one of the dickhead VPs (let’s label him as Bryan) and at the end of the presentation, Bryan asked, “Any question?” ..

Then I saw Rob raise his hand and stood up. He said loudly “I have 2 questions!” and then paused, as if he’s waiting for some kind of respond from Bryan. Dumbfounded, Bryan replied to Rob “Well, ask your questions then!”. I could see plenty of sneers inside the room, because Rob’s a fucking dick.

I ashamed of him as my boss.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
September 14, 2003

knots getting tied

I am feeling very lucky for I don’t have to go through the complex process of getting married. Emily & I skipped the reception for a few reasons. I think a real good wedding should be a happy affair, simple and at the same time, memorable for the couple. But sadly, I don’t see that happening for most weddings nowadays.

People nowadays are having reception for their weddings for the sake of having it, be it as a tradition, or a requirement from their parents – rather than a true celebration of love… and these are often accompanied by heaps of exhausting chores of organizing the gaiety event, and the need for a huge expenditure. And all these, I think, causes more frustration than happiness… and I don’t think why we should do all that just to satisfy the people around us.

Getting married is a very private affair. And I think it is utterly unnecessary to get yourself into so much trouble just to appease someone else who has nothing to do with our marriage. That’s why, Emily and I decided to use the money to go for a honeymoon instead. And that is way happier for us, simpler and more memorable, than organizing a troublesome wedding ceremony. Nobody really gives a damn if you are tying a knot… and I am actually helping everyone to save an ang-pow or a wedding gift by not organizing a wedding reception. A win-win happy-happy situation.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off