Archive for September, 2003

September 30, 2003

the bill for “flying an aeroplane”

I sent an SMS to Emily yesterday (while she’s at work) :
‘dear, dun get mad at me, ok ? i’m sorry bout yesterday. I love you’

Her SMS reply:
‘dun worry..i’m ok now … but u owe me one big thing for not picking me up on time and let me wait. i love you too’

Owe her one big thing? Now that has to be the scariest thing a guy can ever hear from his girl. I reckon that she must already have something in her mind. She’s making use of this situation to trap me up. The “I love you too” phrase at the end of her message sounded so lifeless. At that moment, I am making a few thousands interpretations from her simple SMS reply. What’s the big thing that i am owing her?

Well, when she came home to wake me up from my deep sleep yesterday, we had a “one to one” talk.

“why did u consume when you already know that you need to fetch me??”

“it was my best friend’s farewell… and we had a few drinks. come on… it was just a party got out of control… ”
(you see, in situations like this, EVERYONE is your BEST FRIEND)

“did your so-called ‘best friend’ know that you need to fetch me up?” she asked.

“yeah, i told him. oh come on, it’s not my friend’s fault. It was my stupid boss.”
(i was trying to divert the blame to Rob here, because she knows I hate him very much. I’m wicked.)

“your boss?? he asked you to drink THAT much meh ??”

“nope. It was CK that told me that he would take off his shirt in public when he’s drunk enough… heheheh”
(laughing hysterically, apparently, i’m still a bit intoxicated.)

“who is CK ?”

“CK is that best friend of mine who’s leaving lor,… ok ok … let’s stop all these interrogation thingy, ok? I’m sorry”

“you owe me one big thing..”

“alright… and what’s that?”

The much dreaded word came out from her mouth right before my ears. I was like “Nooooooo … not thatttttt !!!”

She wanted me to accompany her to return to her hometown in Perak – a place with no entertainment, no internet connection, limited tv programmes, no friends, no mobile phone signals…
It’s like living in a deserted island with nothing. I’m going to fester to death there…
This is not looking good for me…

Lesson learnt : Do not mess with your loved ones. The consequences can be very dire…

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September 29, 2003

‘high’ tea

Sunday – One of my department manager, Pete, organized a farewell karaoke party for one of our departing engineer – CK.

3pm – arrived at Red Box KTV.

3.20pm – I started off the party by singing few songs using my “super golden voice of mesmerizing”. The guys were charmed. We toasted a few pints of beers. It was nothing.

4pm – Some of our Taiwanese supplier joined us. Our crowd grew into over 20 heads. The beers were finishing fast.

4.10pm – CK and Pete also invited their boy toys – a couple of KTV girls whom they befriended some weeks ago. I was not sure why they were so excited about the girls because they definitely looked like overdressed sewer lizards to me. They were an eyesore. The rest of us eased off the pain by toasting a few more pints of beer.

4.30pm – My super “golden voice of mesmerizing” did it’s magic again. The KTV girls were charmed. They bowed in deep respect to my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. We toasted a few beers but that still didn’t improve their outlook for me.

4.35pm – SaltyFish (our really big boss) arrived. He missed my “golden voice of mesmerizing”. It was his loss. He should try to be more punctual next time.

4.45pm – CK ordered whiskey. The party started to get real. None of us was focusing on the singing except my colleague AssTee. He sang like Elvis… with plenty of action… but he needed to learn more about rhythm and timing.

5pm – Emily called me up. She said she will be arriving from her Langkawi trip in 45mins. I was suppose to pick her up at the mainland.

5.10pm – I challenged Rob (my undead boss) for a bottoms up. CK told me Rob had a record of taking off his shirt in public when he’s drunk. I was laughing so hard that I almost dropped my glass.

5.15pm – We finished 2 bottles of whiskey. I’m blitzed. I asked the KTV girls to get more education. SaltyFish told them to finish their Standard 6 level first. They took the joke well and we toasted a few rounds. I’m still very uncomfortable with how they looked.

5.30pm – CK & one of the lizards were slow dancing in front of the KTV screen. I couldn’t see the screen. I took one of AssTee’s shoe and pitched towards the lizard. It hit her lardy ass and I was penalized by finishing a glass of neat whiskey.

5.40pm – I had to leave the party. I’m seriously blitzed and needed to sober up to drive (I was suppose to fetch Emily).

6.00pm – Emily called, and I was still looking for my car. She was furious. She told me that she will be hitching her colleague’s car home and I better have a good explanation of what’s was going on. I realized then I’m in serious trouble.

6.30pm – I reached home and passed out. (miraculously, I drove all the way home by myself…)

I only managed to wake up around 7am this morning with a serious hangover. I made an SMS to my colleagues that I’m not coming to work.

And I have yet to make any explanation to Emily about why I didn’t pick her up yesterday. But I guess I need not to do that anymore as she would have been able to tell by herself, what actually happened to me. :P

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September 26, 2003

ICQ ‘meeting’

I am bored. Emily had gone to Langkawi for a few days, so, I it will be even more boring for me throughout the weekend. I partied hard last week, and I really need to give my liver a break this time. So, I decided to be at home all alone this weekend. *Sigh*

Life is funny… when I was a kid, it was relatively easier to kill boredom. And then, it got even easier when I transcended to teenage. Bored? Grab a phone and call up your girlfriend, and you’re off for a few hours on the phone. Not enough? Go look for some chicks in the local newspaper (internet wasn’t that popular yet… that time).

In my 20’s, the requirements took an ominous turn towards particularity. Hormones were in the steady state & we were, for the first time, above the legal age to hang out at night spots. I started to get selective on who to hang out with & started to call people ‘dorks’. Alcohols & girls became the main ingredients of having fun. And that was also the time when I started to worry about money. List goes on…

Sometimes I would wonder – what is so fun about getting intoxicated and talk stupid things while getting blasted by loud music? I just cannot explain, but, that’s how I’m getting myself occupied on most weekends, most of the time. I think people are just looking for an excuse to hook up or get laid. Whatever.

Here’s something interesting that occurred to me a couple of years ago:


I met this girl from KL – whom I’ll call “Jess” – through ICQ. After meeting each other online for a few months, Jess organized a trip to Penang for a meet up. She brought along her 2 buddies – whom I’ll call “PornStar” and “Zoyee”. The 3 girls weren’t bad looking, except… Jess herself. She was a little bit, unattractive to me, so to say, but that’s not important. Now a little bit description on the girls, PornStar – resembled Jet Li’s wife, but was little plump. Zoyee was the best looking of the pack but I could tell from the moment I met her that she’s a fucking emo bitch. The meeting went quite smoothly.

After showing them around Penang for an entire Saturday afternoon, I brought them to meet up with the rest of the BOD members – Tony, Luis, Henry & Soon – at the suite the girls rented. Each of us brought our own booze, so, we sort of like having a drinking party before hitting the clubs. During the drinking session, I sort of noticed PornStar kept eyeing on my friend Henry, and I could tell from her body language that she actually liked him a fucking lot. The way she talked to him, laughed like a retard (snort snort) at his absurd jokes and her lolling beside him – she was clearly in heat. When I told Henry about it, he’d brush me off and said that he’d rather kill himself hooking up with PornStar. So I let the matter rest.

We finished enough booze to start the night, and everyone was blitzed and ready to party. We all then proceeded to our usual joint (a club) for more booze. I couldn’t remember most of the events occurred that night as I was very blur from excessive intoxication. But I recalled that the girls were very affectionate, and they did everything right that night (I’m referring to the partying bit).

I was busy enjoying myself at the place when my friends told me that the girls had left the place. It was all very sudden. And of course, I was kind of pissed – you know, you don’t simply bail without informing your buddies. But we still continued to enjoy ourselves at the club without the girls and had a blast ourselves there.

It was only the next morning that I managed to find out why the girls left us that night – when Jess gave me a call. Apparently, what happened was, PornStar actually got very inebriated that night, and she forced herself on my friend Henry (Henry himself was half-passed-out and struggling). Jess saw the whole thing and immediately dragged PornStar out of the place to prevent anything untoward from happening.

I was so shocked. I immediately called up Henry to clarify the incident. He sounded like a rape victim on the phone… and I was like – Oh my fucking god, this is so fucking unbelievable. My best friend got molested by a bimbo! It appears that PornStar was so attracted to Henry that she couldn’t resist him for a second. She had suppressed the thought of raping him for the whole night… until her alcohol addled brain couldn’t differentiate between right and wrong anymore – and she finally did it.

Since nothing really happened, Henry decided to swallow the bitter experience and wiped it off like it was a nightmare – albeit he was probably emotionally scarred for the rest of his life. And we never talked about this incident since, especially after his girlfriend came into his life. It was an night that all of us will never forget.

*Jess, PornStar & Zoyee left for KL the next day. But Jess & PornStar would return to Penang a few months later… and that’ll have to be a story for another time.

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September 25, 2003

a boo boo

Went out for lunch with Blackie, BigSnake and Veron at a local food court. We were immediately approached by a Chinese lady – “Any drinks?” – she asked in Hokkien (a Chinese dialect). BigSnake was busy looking around and was still in the process of figuring out what to eat for lunch, kinda half heartedly answered the lady in Malay – “Bagi milo ais satu gelas” (translation – gimme a glass of milo). His response triggered a hysterical laugh from me and the rest of us… and the lady herself was stunned. Pointing at her, I exclaimed “He thought that you are an Indonesian maid!!! muahahahah!!”. She was mortified.

Embarrassed by his mistake, BigSnake apologized to her, but I teased the lady again “Oh no, you’re not gonna let him get away just like this, are you?”. You can see the way she gave us that “I’m gonna kill you” look before she went away to process our orders. And we were fortunate indeed, as our milo-ais didn’t taste funny at all.

On our way back to office, Blackie started to talk about a few good restaurants, and then, indirectly hinted at me that how great it would be to have our lunch together, celebrating something. Sensing something amiss, I realized that they have found out about my promotion – yes, I have been promoted by Rob. I’m a level 2 engineer now. But then, that doesn’t mean it’s all good between me and Rob. No fucking way. I will still hate him like how I hate roaches. In fact, I deserved that promotion since last year… and it was a belated promotion. So, Rob still sucks donkey cock in my opinion. If killing is legal, I would have punched him to death by now.

Nevermind about Rob. The bastards got me this time… I will have to treat them lunch for that promotion. I thought I can get away with this – but seems like I was wrong :P
A good try nevertheless…

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September 24, 2003

the milk connection

BigSnake and I followed Blackie to buy some milk powder for his 1 year old son after we had our lunch today. He left us in his car and then came back with a few cans of milk powder. Curious, I asked him – “Dude… how much is all that?”. Around 200 bucks he said. I was like “Whattttt ???”
“How long would the supply last?”
“Well, it depends… usually, 4 – 5 weeks.”
“That little bastard actually can take that much milk??? That’s more expensive than petrol man!”

He wasn’t quite happy with my reaction. Even BigSnake was dumbfounded too. He told us, it was expensive because it’s an Enfagrow… which contains some A+ vitamins 3-in-1 with conditioner no preservative 24 hours protection fluoride AHA whatever… but I’m still shocked with the rather expensive price.

I asked him “What happened to your wife?”

“Eh… you think my wife cow aa? constant supply aa?”

Apparently, I was hinting him about breastfeeding. He told me his wife indeed breastfed the little tyke but somehow, she just couldn’t continue anymore. Afraid of getting out of shape – he said. wtf??? So, all these money was spent because the wife’s afraid of her breast running out of shape??? There’s plenty of free milk in 2 attractive containers… but he chose to buy expensive milk powder for his son??? Strange but true.

I wonder, what was the situation like before milk powder was invented. Since when do we have to be so dependent on cows for producing milk for our children? To promote a close relation between human and cow? I mean, let’s talk about natural things… have you ever seen a hyena feeding on a pig’s milk? Or monkey feeding on a crocodile’s milk? This is exactly what I’m talking about. Human feeding on cow’s milk. It’s unnatural. It’s beginning to make sense now… on why are there so many dimwits & insane people in this world. It’s probably due to feeding too much on cow’s milk.

My stand is, unless you’re running out of choice, you should always consider feeding your kids your wife’s milk. Or your mom’s milk. Or your milk.

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